Urgh. Not getting what I want is … HARD!
Kids have wants. And the reality is, they don’t always get them, because perhaps what they ask for and want is harmful, unnecessary, or is simply not good for them. There could be plenty more good reasons why we parents can’t give what our kids ask and demand.
And upon their ‘display of displeasure’ (for not getting what they want), I’d usually say to my two little ones …
There’s always a reason why you don’t get what you want. And you may not understand it just yet. But know this, we love you so very much, and if it’s something good that you need, we will surely give it to you. Even without you asking for it.
But if it’s not good for you, even if you cry your heart out, we still can’t and won’t give it to you.
And it’s because we love you. Very much.
…
You know, as I emphasise these values to my kids so that (through time) they learn to believe in us and our decisions on whether they can or can’t get something, I am so reminded of the fact that I’m totally no different to them.
I am just like my own kids in the eyes of God, the Creator who loves us so much, who knows what’s best for us and gives us what we need, and not necessarily what we want.
Because what we ‘want’, though seemingly necessary and needed BY US, it may not the best FOR US.
And God knows that, and HE knows what’s best to give us, and when.
…
Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
Matthew 7:9-11
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Andrea :
Thanks .. and thru them, I learn a LOT too!
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Sandra :
you know … when I give the kids something without them asking for it, and when I casually say to them afterwards ‘you didn’t ask for it but I gave it to you , yes ? ‘ … even Vai can now reply, ‘Yes! If Mommy says No, it’s a NO, but if Mommy says Yes, it’s a YES’ hehehe …
a lot of it is still ‘cognitive’ understanding though hehe … but hey at least we’re progressing somewhere 🙂
Once again u have hit the nail right on the head! i really need to remember to try & put it to my little guy in the way that u do.
Great post and photos! Your children are blessed to have such loving parents.
Danny Choo :
THANKS for that … and I went to your site and am totally impressed!
and err … you sushi photo – a week in tokyo 41 – almost instantly makes me crave for sushi! i’m getting some tomorrow 🙂
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Nic :
Thanks … 🙂
he really was crying in those shots. I included another photo in the post … the teary eyes are more obvious there hehe (and I took the shot while not looking through the viewfinder … to ‘respect’ his tantrum 🙂
irene :
thanks thanks …
the ‘irony’ of it all is, as i talk to my kids about these points, i feel like God is telling ME the same thing! really, it’s a total reflection!
and if I myself feel impatient towards my kids, … I can’t image how hugely patient God has been towards me all these years
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Phoebe :
Thanks for sharing.
I notice with a younger kid (eg. Vai’s age), they don’t quite show that they ‘understand’ it … but I still do say it to him, because I’m sure that ‘one day’ he’ll start to understand what I say (though it may not stop him from asserting what he wants *smile*) All the best with your son ya ..
mc :
Thanks for sharing mc. I
learn that over time, when our kids see how we’re consistent with what we say, and that we DO give what they need though they don’t ask for it, they slowly learn to trust us too. But it’s a (lifelong?) long process.
What I personally do is when each time I give to them what they don’t ask (eg. a cute keyring that I know Anya likes and needs for her school bag), I also casually say something like, ‘did you ask for this ?’ and at the time when she smiled and said ‘no…’ .. I then just smiled, walked while giving her a quick hug / cuddle while briefly repeated the values …(eg. if you need something, i’ll surely give to you ya … even though you didn’t ask for it ..’
all the best with your lil Keira ya …
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mnhl :
aww that’s nice to hear! 🙂
from what i see, the child’s character and the way the parents handle each ‘tantrum’ do play a big part …
Nice pic! Vai really crying or you asked him to pose like that? 😉
The verse Matthew 7:9-11 was the exact same verse my pastor preach in church service today. =p Indeed it is very true. WIll try to use it on my son, hopefully he is not to young to understand.
Good luck with the blog awards!
And we know that in all things, God works for the best for those who love Him.. Thanks for remind me:)
My son can be quite demanding sometimes. But glad to say that not to the extend of uncontrollable.
i’m at that stage with Keira now.. still don’t know how to handle the crying, but you’re right, i’ll try to explain to her why she can’t always have what she wants.. thanks:)