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Thoughts: How is our Home?

12 September 2016 – 11:29 am |

 
How is our home?
Are we there for our children when they come home from school, or are they kept busy with after-school programs (or television and games) day in and day out that they have …

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Marriage: Tips and Thoughts on Avoiding Emotional Affairs

26 September 2016 | Posted in: Inspirational, Marriage & Relationships | No Comment

Newly married couples don’t normally think about marital affairs. Unless they’re forced into marriage, newly married couples most likely are in love with each other.

The question is, why then do affairs happen?

(Regardless of whether you’ve been married for 5 years, 15 years or 25 years)

I feel this is a very real question and if we are married (or in a relationship), we should really give this question a good thought.

Do we feel the need to delete our text messages so they’re not read by others/our spouse?Recently I read an article on WHY emotional affairs take place in marriages (including christian marriages).

(Note: Affairs could be ’emotional’, not necessarily ‘physical’)

Here is one common reason:

Reliance on outsiders (especially when the spouses have to spend much time apart)

When we start to depend on the opposite gender other than our spouse to meet our emotional needs, temptations tend to creep in.

Affairs could happen between us and anyone with whom we spend large amount of timeAnd, affairs could happen between us and anyone with whom we spend large amount of time, eg. Co-workers, old school friends, personal trainers, etc.

What started out as an ‘innocent friendship’ could lead to an emotional dependence, and hence, an emotional affair.

So what are the warning signs that we should watch out for?

> Start to negatively compare our spouse with others
Be aware of that increasing thought or feeling: ‘He listens to me better than my husband’, ‘She speaks lovingly to me every time we chat’ or ‘We can laugh out loud and connect so well with each other!’

> A need to hide aspects of a relationship
Do we feel the need to delete our text messages so they’re not read by others/our spouse? Are we excited about secretly receiving a call or text messages from another person other than our spouse?

> Less willingness to be intimate with our spouse
Intimacy requires closeness, and such an intimate relationship cannot happen if a spouse gives his/her closeness to someone else outside of their marriage.

What can do we do to guard ourselves against such temptations then?

Here are some tips and thoughts:

Avoid spending a lot of time alone with anyone of the opposite gender1. Avoid spending a lot of time alone with anyone of the opposite gender (especially if we are somewhat attracted to him/her)

2. Avoid spending more ‘quality time’ with another person than we do with our spouse.

3. Avoid sharing intimate details of our life with anyone before sharing it with our own spouse.

4. Stay transparent, ie. Do everything as if our spouse were there with us.

5. Do not entertain fantasies about other people. Shoo away thoughts that are not pure.

6. Stay connected with our spouse by making extra efforts to build emotional and physical closeness (eg. Plan activities that you can do together as husband and wife, daily/weekly/monthly)

Having been married for ‘many years’ should not be our excuse for taking our spouse for granted7. Keep an open communication throughout the day, share your activities or thoughts and daily things that make you excited or sad. Grow that ‘enjoyment’ of sharing your life with each other. Be each other’s best friend.

(For those who hardly ever stay in contact with their spouse during the day, this may mean checking your phone and taking the time to contact or REPLY your spouse’s text messages)

8. Appreciate our spouse. When was the last time you genuinely cuddle, hug, kiss or say ‘I love you’? Having been married for ‘many years’ should not be our excuse for taking our spouse for granted.

9. Have a community of positive and loving married couples where you can be strengthened and encouraged by them, while you do the same towards other couples.
(In our case, we are blessed to have a group of married couples with whom we have regular Bible studies and discussions)

Do everything as if our spouse were there with us10. Last but not least, if you’re people of the faith like us, do devote personal time to prayer. Ask God to protect our marriage, while we ourselves make the effort to build and nurture our relationship with our spouse.

(I’m sure there are more tips out there. You’re welcome to add more to the list)

Everyone is so prone to emotional affairsI’m not a marriage expert.

I simply know that everyone is so prone to emotional affairs, no matter how ‘strong’ we assume our marriage is. And that’s why we need to always stay alert and be aware of the signs.

Let’s continually nurture our relationship with our spouse.

May God have mercy and help us all.

Brie and Her ‘Show and Tell’ Sessions

19 September 2016 | Posted in: Daily, Mobile Blogging | One Comment

Brie is now in Kindergarten (K2) and I just love how she gets to do some ‘show and tell’ presentations in front of her class (with a given topic) every 3 weeks or so.

(In these photos, Brie just did ‘food that’s good for our body’ =)

To me, such activities exercise the child’s memory skills, add on her knowledge of a particular topic, allow her to remember it better and longer, as well as train her articulation and confidence in public speaking too. 

And, the fact that it’s done in a fun, ‘non-competitive’ manner makes it even better, I reckon!

Brie, you are blessed! 

Because Afternoon Sun is … 

16 September 2016 | Posted in: Daily, Photography | 2 Comments

kids afternoon sun

 
I’ve always loved afternoon sun shots.
 
The rays. The golden look.
 
It makes our otherwise plain shots look … a little magical =)

Thoughts: How is our Home?

12 September 2016 | Posted in: Inspirational, Parenting | No Comment

brie 5 years
 

How is our home?

Are we there for our children when they come home from school, or are they kept busy with after-school programs (or television and games) day in and day out that they have very little time with us?

Have we (moms) ever felt that we have WASTED our ‘talents and brain’ because we have chosen to raise the kids ourselves, and forgo ‘opportunities to be useful elsewhere’?

On this matter, a woman named Dorothy Patterson once said:

It is true that many ‘perfect jobs’ may come and go during the childrearing years, but only one will absolutely never come along again – the job of rearing your own children and allowing them the increasingly rare opportunity to grow up at home.

Do our children grow up in a home where the parents are present and are actively involved in their lives?

It’s interesting to read about how this situation gets increasingly rare.

To me personally, I believe every family is unique and every mom needs to struggle with her decisions with regards to her roles in her children’s lives.

May God grant us the wisdom to make the right choices everyday, however tough, however easy.

Food for thought.

Milestone : Vai’s First Tennis Competition (Teaching Kids Sportsmanship)

29 September 2013 | Posted in: Parenting | 2 Comments
vai tennis2

Vai is 7 years and 2 months old right now, and last weekend he had a ‘real’ tennis competition.
A big milestone for him, and for us.
I called it a ‘real’ competition, because it’s not about playing …

School : Day two without Mom

10 January 2008 | Posted in: Parenting | No Comment
pickuphandshake

I know the day will need to come. And Anya and I have been having seemingly endless talks on how Mom will wait at home while she’s in class and go to pick her up …

When kids can help Moms stay sane

4 May 2009 | Posted in: Daily, Parenting | 3 Comments
kids_helpmom

Some three weeks ago I wrote a post on ‘How to Stay Sane’ if you’re a Stay at home Mom. Practical tips that I hope will help us manage our days as fulltime moms.
But as …

‘Looking after Ourselves’, especially AFTER We’re Married

When it comes to ‘looking after ourselves’, especially AFTER we’re married, there’s this one tip (shared by some ‘seniors’) that I often keep in mind.
They said:
Wives, later on … when you’re busy looking after the …

Happy Father’s Day

19 June 2011 | Posted in: Marriage & Relationships, Parenting | No Comment

If you ask me,
I’d say there’s no such thing as a perfect Dad or a perfect Husband.
But there is a Dad
who gives his best for his family
who makes time to play Lego bricks, tell bedtime stories …

Marriage Tips and Thoughts : Try something new

19 November 2008 | Posted in: Marriage & Relationships | 2 Comments
Marriage Tips and Thoughts : Try something new

I recently shared how, as parents, we may tend to forget about our ‘other similarly important roles’, ie. as a spouse. As someone’s wife. Someone’s husband.
I don’t know about you, but personally I often find …