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Thoughts: Parents and Authority

28 October 2017 – 10:55 am | One Comment

‘Gee, I can’t talk to my kids! They simply don’t listen to me!’
‘They just don’t obey me!’
‘I can’t get through to my kids.’

Here’s one common issue parents face today , that is: the LACK of …

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Home » Inspirational, Parenting

Sorrow for Past Offence Prior to Change of Behaviour

16 June 2017No Comment

We say, children are blessings from above.

It’s true.

But, we are no perfect people.

Our children are no angels.

And as parents, we deal with children and their misbehaviours every single day.

If you’re a parent, I’m sure you agree how dealing with tantrums, screaming, bad moods and crying is mentally exhausting.

And, It IS easier to respond by doing one of the following (or ALL, depending on our mood at the time?):

– send the child to his/her room (or to a corner for a few minutes)
– scold the child, ‘Don’t do it again! Off you go!’
– give a quick slap on the hand (and our ‘I’m so not happy with you!’ stare)
– yell, ‘Stop it!’ and leave the room

The right behaviour that’s expected of the child is shown and explainedWhen it comes to parenting, I realise one thing:
As much as I wanted to, it’s not ‘good for the child’ if we just do the above as our response to a child’s misbehaviour.

And mostly because, they receive no guidance as to WHY what they did was wrong and HOW they should better behave in the future.

It’s our ‘quick fix’ to a potentially mind-numbing misbehaviours and tantrums.

But our quick fix apparently, is not doing any good to the child.

As a parent of three, I learn how we need to make sure:

– Misbehaviours are addressed, consistently

– Disciplinary actions are explained to the child (if the child is still tantrumy, then explanation comes AFTER the child has calmed down)

– Impacts of the child’s action or words towards others are explained

– The right behaviour that’s expected of the child is shown and explained

– Pray with and for the child

(For a person a faith, like me, I’d also explain how disobedience, tendencies to hurt others or be selfish are all due to our sinful nature, and that’s why we need Jesus Christ in our lives, who has conquered over sin)

I guess the point is, our child needs to be guided towards feeling ‘sorrowful’ towards the past ‘offence’.

This whole process takes a very LONG time, though.

Which means, we need to repeat ourselves again and again =\

Being patient, yet at the same time consistent and FIRM towards our children’s disobedience, is not easy. But it’s possible.

(May God give us wisdom and patience in handling our children’s daily misbehaviours)

How can I not learn to be patient and consistent with my kids
You know, often, I feel like I’ve failed as a parent.

Like, as if what I’ve said, instilled and taught all these years have no impact whatsoever on the child.

I try to remind myself though, that God goes through the same (long and tiring!) process when HE’s dealing with me and MY misbehaviours, too.

Yet, HE is always so patient and merciful towards me.

Yes. Me.

So how can I not learn to be patient and consistent with my kids, too?

Food for thought.

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