Parenting : Facing and Handling Negativity at Home
My recent two weeks have been tough.My recent two weeks have been tough.
And it’s more about handling and dealing with kid number 2 and 3.
The thing with Vai, our kid no. 2?
I need to deal with his attitudes. Correcting, disciplining, rebuking, encouraging, complimenting.
AND, getting him used to the idea of going to school (he just started Primary One 2 months ago). Reminding him about doing homework. Teaching him for tests and exams. Dealing with his reluctance and complaints and intentional disobedience. Every single day.
Brie is going through this yucky Terrible Two phase! ‘I thought Brie – kid no. 3 – is all sweet and good?’, you may thought.
I tell you, Brie is going through this yucky Terrible Two phase!
She’d cry and cry when she doesn’t get what she wants.
She’d scream at me (and her siblings, even Daddy!) if she’s not happy about something.
She’d go and slap someone’s arm, leg or head, to show her unhappiness about something.
THANK GOD, in recent weeks, our 9.5yo daughter has somehow become a much more mature girl. To my surprise, frankly. Lately she somehow is able to see my parenting struggles, and more or less … understand.
(read: Instead of dealing with three kids with bad behaviours, I deal with two. God has mercy on me!)
I’m left with little to NO energy by night time. By the time everyone goes to sleep at night, I just feel SO exhausted.
Defiant toddler. Whiny brother. Traffic jams. Mental notes on the piles of work waiting to be done. Dinner preparation and washing up. Ensuring all school work is done. Coaching the brother for next day’s tests. Struggling with defiance and negative attitudes again before bedtime.
I’m left with little to NO energy by night time.
(Thank God Wilson is often home by 7pm these recent weeks! He helps out with the kids when I feel like banging my head on the wall!)
Okay, I’ll be fair to the kids and say this, … Vai and Brie are not *always* defiant and difficult.
Read: There are *many* terrible episodes everyday, but these kids are not like that ‘every single hour’.
There ARE cute and cuddly toddler moments.
There are times when Vai comes over and gives me a hug.
Simply put, I don’t want to be a mad monster Mommy who screams at my kids for their bad behaviour.
I want to be more understanding. I want to be more cool-headed.
Instead of always looking at the kids as the source of the problems, I need to look at the bigger change that needs to start from me. I want to be the kind of a mom God wants me to be.
And so yesterday, as I thought about all the negativity that has been happening at home, I told myself:
I need to pray more for my kids, for the family.
I need to depend on God’s help and strength even more.
And, I need to refresh/renew/change my heart, my mindset, my perspective of everything, my parenting approach.
Instead of always looking at the kids as the source of the problems, I need to look at the bigger change that needs to start from me.
I went to read a chapter of the book ‘Shepherding a Child’s Heart’ by Tedd Tripp, and I was immediately rebuked, especially on how I’ve been handling my 7 year old.
I’d like to share these thoughts with you:
- The finest art of communication is not learning how to express your thoughts. It is learning how to draw out the thoughts of another.
Your objective in communication must be to understand your child, not simply to have your child understand you. – Your objective in communication must be to understand your child, not simply to have your child understand you. Many parents never learn these skills. They never discover how to help their children articulate their thoughts and feelings.
- Your first objective in correction must not be to tell your children how you feel about what they have done or said. You must try to understand what is going on inside them. Since the Scripture says that it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks, you must engage your children to understand what is going on inside.
You must try to understand what is going on inside them. – What is important in correction is not venting your feelings, anger or hurt; it is, rather, understanding the nature of the struggle that your child is having. Understanding the ‘why’ of what has been done or said. Look at the world through his or her eyes.
The more I read the book, the more I feel I have drifted away from what I should’ve been doing as a parent to my kids.
Time to shift my parenting gear.
May God help me. And every parent out there.
Are you struggling too these days? How do you manage and overcome things?