Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

We have this hot topic going on over on my Facebook right now.

I posted a shot of this Sunday Times article (courtesy of a fellow mom) and wrote something along this line:

There’s an increasing trend of children attending 2 kindergartens daily. One attends a kindy in the morning, gets picked up, has lunch and is dropped off to attend another kindy in the afternoon. Parents who choose to do this generally said that it’s to give their kids ‘the best of both worlds’.

I have my personal thoughts on this matter, but I’d like to know YOUR opinion on this. 

Parents, non-parents, in Singapore and outside of Singapore, what say you?

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There are lots of comments left on my Facebook and here are some of them that I’d like to highlight today: 

JD:
Lol…I cannot believe this. What sort of worlds are parents wanting their kids to experience. The best world a kid can get is to have that precious time with their parents and experience love, acceptance, guidance and play.

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SL:
Just thinking how would the parents themselves would have liked it if they had to work 16 instead of 8 hours daily. “Scared to lose out”, their bosses would say.

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XX:
I think it’s the parents that are happy with the arrangements. So that they can have their own time. 
Best of both worlds? I think the child’s mind might be even more “limited” with them being confined to the 4 walls/inside classroom everyday.

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BdB:
I guess some ppl are left with no choice… as long as the parents are not having kiasuness in their mind set and not to stress the kid,this may be an alternative to not going to a childcare???

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SYC:
Parents may think that they are giving their child the best of both worlds – but i question what sort of world they are talking about… i believe that children who grow up in such an environment will invest too much of their worth as students and if they fail there or if they are not the top, then their self-esteem & sense of self-worth will greatly decrease & this may (not saying it will always happen) lead to them being depressed & feeling worthless & even (i pray not) ending their lives just because they did not get the best results in their academic achievements… there is more to life than academics & parents have to teach their children that or else… i fear what society would become if this becomes the norm…

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These days the pressure to perform is getting even higher than before, and children are the ones getting caught in this ‘rat race’.

I’d say, not only in Singapore, but also here in Jakarta.

(read: Children who attend only one kindergarten also have a packed schedule filled with tuitions and enrichment classes to attend every single day)

To NOT join this ‘kiasu-ism’ (as some would call it), I really think one will need a strong, a very strong ‘belief and value system’ that’s supported by loved ones too!

And when parents live in such a performance and achievement-driven society, where their friends’ kids are also attending many classes and tuitions, the ‘strong tendency’ is of course … to ‘follow the flow’.

After all, parents generally wouldn’t want their kids to be ‘incapable’ and ‘left behind’, yes?

(If kids who are similar in age to ours can already read and write, eg. At 4 – 5yo, we parents tend to feel the ‘pressure’ and wonder if our kids would be ‘left behind’ and consequently NOT ‘ready’ for Primary One later)

Naturally, it’s a tough situation to be in, I think.

And to NOT join (unconsciously / consciously) this ‘kiasu-ism’ (as some would call it), I really think one will need a strong, a very strong ‘belief and value system’ that’s supported by loved ones too!

Because ultimately, whatever it is that we decide for our children, the children will just ‘accept’ our decision (and its long-term life consequences), yes?

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And, here’s my personal take on this issue :

Every family is unique and perhaps this arrangement is considered as ‘better’ than seeing the kids ‘do nothing at home’ (eg. When both parents work fulltime from morning to late night every single day)

For my own family though, I choose to be a stay at home mom. I have my own sets of values and beliefs, and both Wilson and I would not want to join in the rat race in such a way.

My main three reasons :

– Our children will spend about 15 years at ‘formal school’, starting from Primary 1 to University. So, if their more-than-5-hours-a-day ‘formal learning’ has started so very early in life, will the love for learning really last through out their ‘busy school days’?

Also, when school work and demands get tougher, the tendency is, our kids will start to feel and see ‘learning as a chore’. When that happens, we will then be there to encourage them to keep on going and learn to persevere, ie. When they’re already at the age where they HAVE to attend school and bear the ‘age-appropriate work load’.

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There WILL be a time when our kids need to spend many hours at school and be away from us. We simply do not wish for our already so limited time with them gets further ‘discounted’. 

– When kids attend so many classes at such a young age, that automatically means they have to be away from us their parents for so many hours a day. And we wouldn’t want that, because to us, our time with them is limited and we need to urgently make use of that limited time (while they’re still very young and in need of our presence even more) and spend it with them, instilling values, nurturing relationships (especially between us and them and between siblings), and simply … being together.

There WILL be a time when our kids must spend many hours at school and be away from us. We simply do not wish for our already so limited time with them gets further ‘discounted’, especially NOT earlier than it’s supposed to.

Plus, we believe the younger the children, the shorter their concentration and attention span anyway, and the more rest-time and playtime they need.

(Note: Spending 3 hours a day, Monday to Friday, at the age of four, is fine with us, ie. When they entered Nursery school)

‘Success in life’, ‘happiness’, and ‘abilities to overcome life’s struggles’ interestingly have no relevance to one’s academic achievements and skills.

– Over the years and decades, studies have shown how there’s not much difference between children who ‘start early academically’ and those who start to read and write when they’re 7 years old.

‘Success in life’, ‘happiness’, and ‘abilities to overcome life’s struggles’ interestingly have no relevance to one’s academic achievements and skills.

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When it comes to parenting, we know we both are far from perfect, and we’ve made mistakes too. But when it comes to decisions on school and how packed our young children’s days should be (especially prior to them entering Primary One), this is the choice and approach we definitely will make for our own three children.

And I guess that means we’ll have to learn to be tough and go ‘against the flow’?

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Any thoughts to share?