Pregnancy : Going ahead with Planning for Baby #3, despite …
[This photo was taken last week @ 30.5 weeks pregnant]
Now that I’m pregnant with #3, I do frequently get asked , ‘Have you guys always planned to have three kids?’
And to that, my answer would generally be, ‘Actually, we’ve always thought it’s nice to just have two kids in the family. After we had our 2nd kid, we frankly never thought of having another one.’
Well, the thing is … in the end, we DID have another child, a third one.
AND, it was a PLANNED pregnancy.
So, what’s happened in between? =)
[This actually was something that I wanted to share last year, ie. when we eventually decided to plan for baby #3, and was GIVEN almost immediately!]
Before I share ‘WHY we eventually went ahead with having baby #3’, I guess I should firstly share some things that made me feel NOT prepared to have a third child.
These were my main concerns :
> I’m already in a ‘comfortable zone’.
Anya and Vai are much bigger now and they’re able to do more things ‘on their own’. I can have more ‘me time’ and pursue ‘my own interests’ too now.
> Having a baby means starting from ‘zero’ again.
It means not sleeping well at night again because I’d be breastfeeding / changing diapers / attending to cries or discomforts. It also means bringing along a big bag full of baby stuff whenever I go out and about, AND pushing/lifting a pram again.
> I don’t wish to have even ‘less’ time with Anya and Vai.
> If there’re two kids, each parent can handle one kid. But, what if there are three kids??
> Having another child means extra financial responsibility, and really, we’re not sure we can cope with that.
> I (really) don’t want to have a live-in domestic helper staying with us (Many people said to me that if we had 3 kids, I MUST have a fulltime domestic helper to cope).
> I have donated / given away 95% of our baby-related stuff! I practically have NO baby things at home.
[Btw, if you went through something similar to mine, did you have these concerns too?]
When the thought of ‘perhaps God wanted to entrust us with ANOTHER child’ came, I was kind of in a state of ‘disbelief’.
I wanted to avoid such a thought. I was just NOT ready. In fact, I have NEVER thought of having THREE.
When Wilson and I had our chat however, he reminded me of something. He said, ‘We’ve seen through the years how God has never left us. HE supplies what we need. And, IF God wanted to entrust us with another one, and IF HE had a beautiful plan ahead of us with this additional member of the family, then how can we say no?’
Sigh. He’s right. How can I say no?
So in the end, I prayed and said,
‘God, if YOU really wanted to entrust us with another one, then please, PLEASE make our hearts, especially MINE, ready for this new adventure ahead. Because I know I’m NOT ready right now. I have such a little faith and I need YOU to help me be ready and prepared for this new task ahead.’
And you know what?
In about three to four days after THAT, I did feel ready! We BOTH felt ready! It was amazing!
[We prayed and had conversations with friends who’ve had three kids. I chatted with Anya and Vai and subtly asked questions – and saw their responses – on having another child in the family. The story of Ruth also encouraged me – she’s someone who left her ‘comfort zone’, ventured into the ‘unknown’ and was in the end a blessing to many generations]
And I must say this: It was totally NOT because I felt capable, but because Wilson and I were ‘MADE prepared’ for this. This ‘change in our hearts and minds’ definitely was not from ‘ourselves’.
Here are some additional thoughts that eventually made us both feel READY to have another child.
> Each child brings joy to the family. It’s a blessing to have been entrusted with a child.
> Not everyone who tries to have a child CAN have a child. Every child is given, NOT made. AND, if God chooses to entrust us with a child (or more), HE will provide what we need. And most importantly, HE will also give us the necessary strength and capability to go through any kinds of challenges ahead. And even IF things get tough at times, we will learn to depend on HIM even more. It’s a blessing to have been able to learn about life and faith through life’s challenges.
> Every child is a blessing in his / her own way. There’s no need to worry about ‘tomorrow’, when we put our trust in Him, persevere and do ‘our part’ faithfully.
> When we sincerely are willing to teach / raise a child in God’s ways so that he/she can be a blessing to others in years to come, God WILL be with us. We’re not raising just ‘anybody’, we’re dealing with souls, and we’re raising people who have great potentials to make positive difference and influence to the family, to the community, to the world. And THAT is such an honourable task.
If you ask me, I’d say I KNOW that things will not be easy.
Things will not always be smooth sailing.
There’ll be ups and downs for sure.
And, I do have fears of the ‘unknown’ too. What will it be like later when #3 comes along? Can I cope? Can the two older kids adjust well? and so on.
But, I somehow KNOW that I’m in the process of being taught to put my faith in God. To ‘exercise’ my (small) faith. To depend on Him for strength, joy, patience and wisdom! I somehow know too that I’ll be shaped and changed in many ways along the way.
Yep, we are being taught to trust and see the wonderful works God can do in our lives, when we ourselves are ready to learn and put our trust in Him.
I Know Who Holds Tomorrow
Written by Ira P. Stanphill
I don’t know about tomorrow; I just live from day to day.
I don’t borrow from its sunshine for its skies may turn to gray.
I don’t worry o’er the future for I know what Jesus said;
And, today, I’ll walk beside Him for He knows what is ahead.
Many things about tomorrow, I don’t seem to understand.
But, I know Who holds tomorrow, and I know Who holds my hand!