6 January 2009
‘Making Children Mind without Losing Yours’ : Relationships come before rules
Category : Parenting, Video Permalink
Now here is one parenting book that I’d recommend to all parents out there!
‘Making Children Mind without Losing Yours‘ by Dr. Kevin Leman.
It was actually recommended by a good friend of mine sometime ago, but I only managed to buy a copy and start reading it recently.
And what do you know. A few days ago someone left a comment on my site and he actually worked with Dr Kevin Leman in producing his video series! He gave me a video link where you can watch a few minutes of Dr Leman’s seminar on ‘Making Children Mind without Losing Yours’ topic. Please do click and watch, it’s good! (Thanks Jack for the link!)
I personally recommend you get a copy and read the whole book yourself. It’s easy to read, practical and insightful.
For now, I’d like to share with you a particular part the book under the subtitle : Relationships come before rules.
Happy reading!
…
If the discipline in your home is merely a matter of rules posted on the walls, it won’t work. They’re not likely to grow into loving, responsible adults. The rules find their ultimate value as expressions of the relationships within the family. These are the expectations of how family members will love one another. As children see that their parents are committed to the family, they will commit themselves, too.
My relationship with my daughters took precedence over my business schedule, and they knew it. And I’m telling you, that’s the most important bit of ‘discipline’ I could administer in my children’s life.
I see many families that get their children involved in every activity imaginable. Games, rehearsals, lessons, meetings, etc. As a result, the only time these parents see their kids is when they chauffeur them around town.
Your house needs to be a home, not a hotel. You need to have relationships with your children that take priority over the slate of activities available.
Josh McDowell says: “Rules without relationships lead to rebellion.”
You can’t have a hotel with a set of rules and call it a home. Life is too short not to take advantage of those formative years as your child is growing up in front of you. So don’t be afraid to curtail your kids’ extracurricular involvements. You need that time to build your family life.
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Posted by Siska
6 January 2009 @ 4:32 am
ah… so true… i have to get a copy of this book. will head to library later, hehehe
Posted by Sandra
6 January 2009 @ 7:05 am
So so true - i love what he said about “instant obedience” - next book on my list
Posted by Samantha
6 January 2009 @ 6:30 pm
Hopefully the library has this book;)
Posted by Nancy
7 January 2009 @ 8:17 am
Le, baca satu lagi bukunya Kevin Leman..The Birth Order Book..:) bagus tuh.
Posted by Claudia Iliadi
8 January 2009 @ 12:57 am
I agree it is a good book!
Posted by Leonny
8 January 2009 @ 1:30 am
Siska :
So, did you manage to find a copy of the book at your local library ?
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Sandra :
Yes, unconsciously I sometimes expect ‘instant obedience’ and the book reminds me a lot on things I must avoid as a parent!
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Samantha:
I saw 2 copies of it I think the other day, at Bishan Library. You may even want to check their website first (which library has copies of it) before you go - - http://www.nlb.gov.sg/
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Nancy :
Thanks ya for the recommendation! Sampe pesen online nih!
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Claudia :
You’ve finished reading the book ya?
Posted by Siska
8 January 2009 @ 5:09 am
kaga ada tuh di library. mo beli di koorong jg lagi ga ada stok. tp di library ada yg birth order book, cuma lagi dipinjem org. bagus yah? klu bagus, gw mo taro waiting list utk itu buku. hehehe
Posted by Samantha
8 January 2009 @ 10:02 am
Thanks Leonny=) Will check that up.
Posted by byihui
8 January 2009 @ 5:53 pm
hi leonny, thanks for the recommendation. the portion u posted makes a lot of sense to me n is the reason y i choose to b around for my daughter when she comes home from school. i grew up in a home where both my mum n grandmother r always at home when i come home from school n i tot that was impt for my daughter too. a sense of belonging, a place where she’s loved, cherished, cared for n lectured - not by anyone else most of the time but her own mother.
of course i would b kidding if i said discipline is easy but stil becos i m the one enforcing it, she knows i mean business n wont get away easily - which often is the case with her grandparents. But ultimately the responsibility of discipline n teaching falls on us, not the grandparents, not the maid.
Posted by Leonny
10 January 2009 @ 1:20 am
Siska :
Yet to read ‘Birth Order’ book … heard it’s a good one too though!
eh, especially you’re having no.2 soon!
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Samantha :
Most welcome
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Byihui :
I so agree with you completely! Thanks for sharing!
Posted by Nic
12 January 2009 @ 12:50 am
Like this bit - “Rules without relationships lead to rebellion.”
Posted by Leonny
13 January 2009 @ 1:41 pm
Nic :
Yes, I like that too. Often families reinforce rules and disciplines, but perhaps to the child, he probably doesn’t see any ‘quality’ relationship between him and his parents.
When the child is still very young, he can still take it, but as he grows much older, he’ll most likely question things and rebel …
Posted by Sharon
17 January 2009 @ 4:32 am
Your blog is great! I have young children, too, and have felt some of the same emotions that you have expressed in your blog entries. I refer to the Parent Coaching Institute and its Web site http://www.thepci.org as a valuable resource for our family, with its articles, Parent Appreciation Radio recordings (really enjoy those), and parent coach referrals. Thought I would pass this PCI info along to you. Wishing you and your family all the best in 2009!
Sincerely,
Sharon
Posted by Leonny
20 January 2009 @ 2:10 am
Hi Sharon!
Thanks so much for dropping by and leaving a comment!
And thanks too for sharing the Parent Coaching Institute. Always nice to come across an organisation that devotes itself to transforming families towards the better.
Keep in touch! And all the best to you and family too!