Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

The book of Proverbs never fails to fascinate me as it reveals the truth to the very core. Often causing ‘a feeling of discomfort’ to the readers.

One of them is:
One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;
another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth.
Proverbs 13:7

“Be kind to your siblings and let ME be the parent. Let ME be the one who scolds and rebukes. Not you. Your job is to protect and love your siblings.”

…

Behind all the smiles in family photos, bickering and unkind words have been heard around our home between the siblings.

Impatient.

Irritated.

Annoyed.

Yes, we’re a normal family.

…

And the above phrases (among many others) have been ‘on repeat’ in our family.

Sigh.

Often I wonder WHY I repeat myself so much when teaching my kids values and principles. I’ve lost count of the number of words I utter daily.

And frankly, I wish the kids could understand and ‘catch’ more of what’s been taught and actually ‘apply’ them.

But then I’m reminded of these verses from Deuteronomy 6:

(6) And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.
(7) You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
(8) You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.
(9) You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

…

Instilling values, principles and God’s laws, should be done ‘on repeat’ indeedKids are kids, I tell myself again and again.

Instilling values, principles and God’s laws, should be done ‘on repeat’ indeed.

It should be a natural part of our daily life.

NOT just on ‘Sunday’.

It should be something we can freely discuss while we’re in our car, while we’re walking together at a mall, while we’re having dinner, while we go hiking, etc.

Yes, it’s not easy and the teaching process takes ‘forever’.

Don’t miss our ‘limited’ opportunity and time with themHmm … well, it may seem ‘forever’, but actually it’s not, because as the kids grow older, our influence and time spent with them gets less and less =\

(read: Instill, influence and teach them since day one! Don’t miss our ‘limited’ opportunity and time with them)

Oh well.

May God give us the wisdom, patience and consistency we all NEED everyday 🙏

Not everyone has the opportunity to have someone teach them how to play a musical instrument.

So when the opportunity is there for you, and you’re willing to take it up from the start, … once lessons have started, don’t throw opportunities away.

Understand that learning to play the piano takes commitment, consistency, self-discipline and humility, among many other things.
 

 
Do your best and practice daily.

Don’t wait till Mommy tells you, or worse, scolds you, to practice, … because that simply means you don’t realise how precious the opportunity is and you are wasting it.

 

 
If we notice that for some time you’ve been ‘difficult’ or needing to be ‘forced’ to practice, then we’d need to talk about what’s happening.

eg. Is it due your school’s excessive load that makes daily piano practices a ‘burden’?

Is it because you’ve simply lost interest?

…

If you are willing to learn, Mommy and Daddy will work hard and support you.

I will drive you to lessons, … wait for you, …  drive you back home.

But, we are not here to force you to learn or practice, because we believe our children need to appreciate opportunities that God has given to them, and understand the responsibilities that come with them.

And if you notice, that’s why you didn’t start learning the piano very early.

You started your piano lessons in February this year, when you’re 6.5 years old … when you’re ‘old enough’ to understand why you need to do what you do.
 

 
Will you learn the piano for many more years?

We don’t know.

But we’ll take it one step at a time.

Just know, that we’ll support you, Brie …

Keep learning.

Love you.
 

‘Why do you climb mountains as a family?’, some people asked me.

We have many reasons =)

One of them is, it’s a wonderful way to experience something together as a family.

Yes. We really think so.

When we hike, we parents face what the kids face.

They struggle during the climb, and so do we.

They get to share their ‘hardship’ with us, and they get to see how we parents face and overcome those same obstacles or challenges.

get to encourage one another along the way.

And, we get to enjoy beautiful scenery from the mountain top together, too ⛰

…

Here’s a ‘trailer’ of our hike last June.

Lonnngggg overdue!

Our lift door opened, and in came a young mom, her husband with a little baby in his arms, and some 5 seconds later, a nanny quickly walked into the lift, with a few bags in her arms. She stood quiet inside the lift while the parents spoke in ‘baby language’ to their firstborn.

I’ve seen this scene a lot in Jakarta (and in Singapore).

A few thoughts crossed my mind that morning, and this time, I put myself in the nanny’s shoes.

How does it feel for her to come into a family as a stranger, and look after their little precious baby?

It must’ve been hard.

Nannies are also NOT allowed to lose their coolThe family has its own family culture, habits, and rules, which the nanny needs to learn and ‘follow’.

It’s even tougher when the parents delegate the ‘looking after their precious’ to the nanny – when they both work or when one goes out to work.

Which means, the nanny needs to look after the baby’s physical needs, understand what the parent wants, and when the baby rejects food (oh yes, some babies older than 6 months old DO reject food, … like mine), the nanny has the obligation to make sure (patiently and diligently) the baby ‘finishes’ her food.

When babies get difficult, which they often do as they get older (they scream, kick, refuse, throw tantrums), nannies are also NOT allowed to lose their cool.

“Who are YOU to tell my baby off!”Many parents also refuse to let the nannies ‘reprimand’ the baby, while still asking them to look after the baby most of the day.

“Who are YOU to tell my baby off!”

“Don’t speak to my baby like THAT!”

“You are SO NOT patient!”

…
 

 
I’ve heard and read too many ‘scary’ stories parents share about their nannies: how they force-feed their babies, how some quietly give babies cough syrups so they sleep faster and cry less, how nannies pinch their babies, etc.

…

As a mom of three who looked after own 3 babies myself without any nanny / maid, I must say: looking after a baby (babies) is HARD WORK!

The task of looking after a baby may look simple to some, but until you do it yourself, … only then you’d find out how it does take a LOT of effort (and God’s grace!) to be patient, to be cool, to be persistent, especially when the babies get older and more mobile, and start to throw tantrums, etc.

(On top of all that, we still have to prepare food, look after the house and ourselves, teach our babies, work from home, and … the list goes on … )
 

 
So what am I saying?

I just want to say, nannies are nannies.

If we choose to engage nannies to look after our little one, we need to realise that we are inviting strangers who bring along their own cultures, upbringing, mental state, habits, into our home, AND we’re letting this person to interact with our baby A LOT each day.

Many (if not all) come with LIMITED knowledge of looking after babies.

Even ‘so-called experienced’ nannies have their ‘own way’ of looking after babies (which we may not agree with when applied to OUR babies).

eg. Some nannies get ‘physical’ towards little ones or ‘verbally scare’ babies to make them obey (because that’s how they’d do it back in their village)

… time to take up the baton and be the ‘main’ caretaker of our own little precious?If our baby is oh so precious to us, if we have our own preferences on how things should be done for our babies, if we often get irritated on how our nanny treats our babies, … then may be, just may be, it’s time to take up the baton and be the ‘main’ caretaker of our own little precious? (making the nanny’s role as ‘extra help’ around the house)

(If you’ve found realiable, trust-worthy nanny/help, God bless you … what a blessing 🙏🏻)
 

 
If God has given us a child / children, He’d also give us His mercy, blessing AND strength to raise them up. Ask daily, and He’d give it to us.

We are after all ‘fathers’ and ‘mothers’, and not just men and women with children.

It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.

I’ve personally gone through it and am STILL going through it today, struggling, by God’s grace.

…
Food for thought?

 
I was blessed to be able to join Aksi Kasih GRII, … literally translated to ‘Love in Action’ organised by my church, GRII (Reformed Evangelical Church of Indonesia).

More specifically a team of six went to Lindu, a tiny village some 3 hours away from Palu City, … all these areas were hit by earthquakes. While a few others went to Kulawi.

We were all volunteers.

Some were medical doctors, some were pastors, and some  – like me – were there to organise activities for villagers, especially young children, … bring some help / supplies to them, encouragements and hopefully, joy.

Here are some photos to share.

More photos are on my Facebook.
Click the link to view them: https://bit.ly/2Hc11Cs

 

 
To get to Lindu, a rather isolated village, we had to ride ‘motorbike’ taxis.

The trip itself was, … interesting.

Because we only had mostly narrow paths, where we have the hill on one side (with potential landslide at any time), and the cliff on the other side.

The motorbike trips were all good, and we thanked God for them.

Below are some photos of our activities with local villagers.
 

 
When we’re in Lindu, we experienced some night-fishing by a lake =)

(Frankly, it was PITCH DARK, and we only had the moon and our flashlights. I had no idea what the surrounding lake was like =)

We caught more than 20 fishes, and those were our breakfast!

The ones in my hands (pictured below) are eels with ears, known as ‘moa’ by the locals, commonly found in the Lindu lake.

And no, I didn’t catch them.

The locals did =)
 

 
The villagers we met – young and old – their stories, their hospitality, were such a blessing to me.

Many say that we’re there to be a blessing to the villagers.

While that’s surely our prayer, … I must say, spending time with them – though it was all too brief – was a blessing to me.

May God have mercy on them as they rebuild their lives after this natural disaster.

 
‘Sorry, I forgot to wash my plates.’

‘Oh sorry, I was rude.’

…

Do your kids say sorry ‘proactively’?

Or, do you need to ‘prompt’ them (or even scold them?) for them to say sorry?

…

… the child learns that ‘showing remorse’ will get him out of trouble easilySome kids find it hard to say sorry, even when the parents have repeatedly teach the child the need to apologise and walk the talk themselves.

Pride is one of their possible cause, I guess (and is something that needs to be addressed, too)

…

All kids challenge/break rules (sometimes on purpose).

And some kids apologise proactively, and some only apologise when prompted / reminded.

Some kids easily say sorry and parents melt and excuse / free the child from all accountabilities.

And when this happens often, the child learns that ‘showing remorse’ will get him out of trouble easily.

…

Here’s something that I hope to share today:

When a child does say ‘sorry’, it must be followed by acts of accountability.

…

Mistake is forgiven, apology is accepted, BUT some consequences often followFor example,
A child who breaks something in the house – after being reminded to not be rough – must also be held accountable for what he broke.

Other than saying sorry, he needs to clean up after the mess (if the child is below 2 yo, he can also help Mommy in cleaning up the mess).

Or, if a replacement needs to be bought, the child can contribute some money (by using his own pocket money).

ie. Mistake is forgiven, apology is accepted, BUT some consequences often follow, and the ‘doer’ needs to be accountable.

Food for thought.

…

(Nice reminders from Dr. Kevin Leman’s book: Making children mind without losing yours)

 
‘Create something with straws’, said Levi’s arts teacher.

So Levi made this – straw rollercoaster park =)