When Parent’s Patience Gets Tested
“Mommy, I need to make a mind map (for a school assignment). Can you send me an example of a mind map?”
*10 minutes later*
“Have you sent me the mind map?”
“Not yet. I had to restart my computer, and before I send you an example of a mind map, I want to first explain to you what it is, how it works, how to create it, because you’ve never seen one before, right?”
*Annoyed face*
“I only need an image, but you haven’t given it to me.”
“Brie, I’m trying to help you. I only want to explain how to create mind maps before I give a sample image to you.”
*The girl frowned and obviously looked annoyed*
(Thoughts inside my head)
“What’s going on inside the head of this girl? I talk to her nicely, and yet she gets so annoyed.”
*Stayed calm, though struggling inside to NOT get irritated by the attitude*
“This is something new for you, Brie, and I’m trying to help and explain what it is to you. I don’t understand why you feel annoyed about it.”
*Silence. Frowned and annoyed face stared back at me*
“I only asked for an image.”
“So you’ll learn it yourself then?
*pause*
“Okay, I’ll send it over to you now.”
And so the 10yo girl got up and walked away towards her laptop. No thank you.
…
I admit, I felt irritated.
A few things went through my mind.
“I can’t believe how proud she is.”
“I’m trying to help, for her own good, and yet she refused? She has never made any mind map before!”
…
The thought of “reprimanding” her and telling her to quit the attitude did cross my mind.
The thought of “forcing” the explanation to her also crossed my mind.And, the thought of correcting her attitude right there and then (“while it happens”) crossed my mind, too.
In the end, within those short seconds, I chose to just bite my tongue, stay calm, and send over the image.
And so I told myself, a few times, “Kids are kids. If they refuse an explanation, forcing it down their throat will only create resentments and bitterness. I’d seem to “win”, but the relationship suffers.
Anyway, the worst that can happen is she fails her assignment (if she creates the mind map wrongly).
Talking to her when she’s annoyed will not work. I’ll need to talk to her about the attitude of the heart later.
Things do not need to always go according to “my way”. And, I need to learn to not make a big deal out of this.”
…
Do I still feel annoyed inside?
A little.
But I guess this is something that I need to settle within my own heart and mind.
(Often, it’s the parent who needs to learn 
)
…
**UPDATE**
– Some 30 mins after “the incident”, she was all normal like nothing happened.
She went to the kitchen, took out an apple, and I casually mentioned how I would want some, and soon after she gave me a plate full of sliced apples.
“Oh, do I just take some of these?”
“All of them are for you, Mommy.”
“Thank you, Brie.”.
– 45 mins after “the incident”, Brie came, showed me the assignment and asked me to explain to her how to create a mind map.
She totally welcomed the explanations and we discussed it together. Everything went very nicely.
Weird, I thought. But that’s what happened.
…
All this got me thinking.
IF I had yelled and reprimanded her earlier, IF I got all emotional and angry because “my child gave me an attitude!!”, it would’ve damaged the relationship and communication.
Our morning would’ve been unpleasant for all.
I mean, if I had “forced” her to listen to my explanation (of how to create mind maps), Brie would’ve “heard” my explanation (most likely given to her in an “angry, impatient mode”), and she would’ve gone away feeling bitter, misunderstood, blamed, etc.
Looking back, I’m SO SO SO glad I didn’t yell at her.
Was she right when she gave me the attitude? Of course not.
But then again, she is the child, and I am the adult, am I not?
If children are childish and selfish, isn’t it “normal”?
(I need to remind myself of this when tougher parenting moments take place!)
…
Now that I think about it, it sure was better when I was the one who needed to “swallow” my emotion and learn to control it “inside” this morning.
As for the talk about her attitude problem, I’ll wait till there’s a good timing later today, when she’s done with her homework, etc.
…
Phew.
