Love and Discipline
I remember the first time I heard about these concepts on children education from Rev. Stephen Tong, someone whom I really respect and have learned a LOT from these past 7 years:
>> Parents need to be 100% strict with their below 3-year-old children
>> To be 75% strict when your children are between 3 – 6 years old
>> To be 50% strict when your children are between 6 – 12 years old
>> To be 25% strict when your children are between 12 – 18 years old
>> To give advice and basically give your children the freedom to choose and make their own decisions once they’re 18 years old.
I was 24 years old when I first heard that. Not yet married and just couldn’t quite understand what he meant with ‘being 100% strict’ with kids below 3 years old. Can we actually be that strict to someone so small, I thought?
It was only when I had Anya that I began to understand.
Many adults (and parents) often have the wrong concept of little kids :
– toddlers are ‘too young’ to understand anything
– because they are just ‘little kids’,there’s no need to be strict with them at all
– they ‘will understand what they need to do later on, ie. when they’re ‘older’
– kids are just so ‘young’, and parents simply don’t have the ‘heart’ to be strict with them
– parents (adults in general) just don’t want to see their child cry at all
As a full-time Mommy to a toddler, I can really really say that children are brilliantly smart, even at a very young age.
Like, at the age of 1 year old, they can already ‘test your authority’. They couldn’t say much at the time, but their action says, ‘Hmm, let’s see how Mommy reacts if I throw this plastic plate to the floor.’ or ‘I just hit Mommy when I’m angry, and we’ll see what she does next.’
If we don’t address the act right there and then, and teach them what’s right immediately, don’t be surprised if you see MORE of such actions (and worse) in the future. And that by the time we want to stop them from doing so, these unwanted actions have already become hard-to-break habits.
Here are a few things that I’ve learned (and will implement) so far :
– Love and discipline must ALWAYS go hand in hand (there’s a clear difference ‘discipline’ and ‘punishment’ though. I’ve learned about this too, and I’ll share it with you some other time)
– If you only shower your children with love, but give NO discipline, then your children will have ‘no direction’ nor clear values of what is right, what is good and what is wrong.
– But if you discipline your children without giving and showing your love to them, they will only be fearful of us and there won’t be any warm and loving relationship between us and them.
…
GOD loves us so much that HE also disciplines us. HE may allow ‘unpleasant experiences’ happen in our lives so that we can be ‘back on track’. So that we learn what is the right thing to do and what we did wrong.
Proverbs 22:6 says:
Bring up a child by teaching him the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn away from it.
And Proverbs 13:24 says:
If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.
Question is, how do we wisely discipline our children and how can we strike a balance between Love and Discipline?
As a Mommy who loves Anya very much, I know I need to continually learn how to keep the balance. Not forgetting to ask for God’s continual strength and wisdom day by day too.
