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Anya - being close to 4.5 years old - still has her grumpy days where she whines, cries and screams when her demands are not met.

Vai - who’s turning two in less than a month - also has his own way of asserting what he wants and his unhappiness when he doesn’t get it (vocally and physically), although I must say he is less ‘hormonal’ (read : emotional) than his sister.

Anyway, here’s a good article for us all on this topic (I’ve shortened some parts of it).

Have a good read!

…

From : Parenthood.com

We’ve all experienced it - the dreaded tantrum in a public place. Little Susie Q is screaming at the top of her lungs while an assortment of disapproving eyes are all focused on you. The pressure is on.

Fear not, you are not alone. There is no foolproof method that works for everyone every single time. There are, however, a few tips for handling a tantrum with a little decorum.

1. Put your child’s needs first. It is tempting to worry about what “everyone else is thinking,” but make eye contact with your child and let her know you are “present” to the situation.

2. Don’t make jokes. This is not the time to try and cajole her back to a calm state. If she is shrieking and thrashing around on the floor, put your grocery basket in reverse, tell the checker you will return another time, and physically walk out of the store with Susie in tow. Sometimes a different environment is all it takes to calm a child down. If she doesn’t calm down, leave … quickly.

3. Don’t make empty threats. If you say, “Susie, if you don’t stop screaming, we will not go to the park,” you must follow through. You must be consistent with your words.

4. Apologize to bystanders while you attempt to gingerly make your way out the door. You need not gush, simply say, “I’m sorry, we are having a difficult morning.”

5. Refrain from trying to act like the tantrum isn’t happening. Nothing is more maddening to bystanders than witnessing a mother attempting (and tragically failing) to ignore her child’s defiant behavior.

6. If a tantrum occurs in church, immediately whisk your child out the nearest exit.

7. Movie theaters are not the place to try and negotiate good behavior. If a tantrum begins in the middle of a movie, it is your unfortunate job to remove your child. This may mean that your other children have to miss the movie too, but the other moviegoers will appreciate your good manners.

Children are not mini adults and their expression of anger through an occasional tantrum is inevitable. How we, as parents, handle the situation is what makes the difference.

Although we mustn’t reward a child after a tantrum by giving in and allowing her to have her way, we can praise the child for regaining control by hugging her and letting her know that our love is unconditional

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

If you’ve encountered tantrums in public, hope you can share your experience with us at the comments section (click on the link, right below the blog title).

How was it, how was the reaction of the people around you at the time, and what did you do to ‘control’ the situation?

Hear from you…

Now that I have two kids and am raising them fulltime, I can say I get this one question a lot from people :

‘How has it been so far? ‘ (or in other words, ‘How are your coping?’, ‘Don’t you get stressed out?’)

…

I’ve shared quite a bit in the past on the ups and downs of life with kids, like the time when :

I wondered if I could survive managing my life with kids (I was pregnant with my no. 2 at the time)

I shared why I never look down on my decision to raise my own children fulltime (Anya, my first born, was 19 months at the time)

I wondered if I could love two children equally

I shared how my two kids’ different temperaments affect my ‘going out and about with kids’ activities

I wrote about the reality of having two kids

I shared my tough moments with the kids, and how every child will go through such periods as part of their ‘growing up’ phase

I compared how things were when I had only one and after I had my second one

I wrote about why I strongly feel we parents have very limited time with our children and why I feel our time is NOW

…

If anyone were to ask whether I enjoy my motherhood days, my answer will still be the same as the one I gave before :

I love what I do and despite the challenges and tough situations a fulltime mother faces each day, I still feel it’s such an honour and privilege to be entrusted by God with these little ones. And I’ll strive to continually learn to be a better Mom each day, the kind of Mom God wants me to be.

I was browsing through my photo archives and found this one. One of my favourites! Anya’s only about 2.5 years old here.

AND to think that I took it some two years back! How time flies!

Kids. They grow so fast and however much we want to turn back time and re-live those cherished sweet moments with our little ones, we can’t.

Our kids can’t stay little forever.

They grow, become increasingly independent and they’ll one day go and live a life of their own with their own family. That’s the way it is, and that’s the way it should be.

And with this in mind, I’m glad I’m here today to spend those precious growing up ‘bitter-sweet’ moments with my little ones. Fulltime.

Little children are naturally sweet and adorable. But on the other side of the coin, when they’re unhappy about something, their behaviour can be rather shocking to many (usually to those who’re not their own parents!)

I mean, a toddler can be all cute and cuddly, but within minutes he may become unhappy about something and let out his best screaming performance, regardless of when and where he is at the time.

[Yes that's us humans and our sinful nature]

Next month Vai turns two, and while he can be really sweet, cooperative and understanding, many times he does things that one wouldn’t generally imagine him do.

He can scream at the top of his lungs, test my authority, strongly assert his wants, throw toys (to the wall, to the floor AND to people - for the sake of simply finding out the ‘effect’ of his action), frown and slap my arm to show his displeasure, kick and fuss, put up his ‘i-don’t-care-what-you’ll-do-to-me’ face when I raise my voice at him and firmly reprimand him after he badly misbehaves.

[I'll write a little bit more about his (AND Anya's) recent emotional roller-coaster soon]

For now, though I’m very glad he still shares many many sweet moments with us everyday, somehow I just have this strong feeling that whatever tough situation I’m getting from him right now, it’s only the TIP of his ‘Terrible Two’ iceberg.

My instinct tells me to prepare myself mentally as best as I can, for there’ll be more ‘interesting’ (read: challenging and mind-numbing) things to come from this little guy as he strives for his growing independence and draws closer to turning two years old.

We’ll see how things go.

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How old are your kids? Do (or did) they go through ‘Terrible Two’ days? What were your worst ‘encounters’? How did you go through that tough phase?

Please do share your parenting experiences in the comments section. I’ll see you in there!

When we first start breastfeeding our newborn baby, most of us go through times when we :

- wonder whether our breastmilk is sufficient and whether we should also give some formula milk
- are so sleep deprived from the frequent night time feedings
- bear the pain of engorgements, even infections like mastitis

When we start introducing solids, most moms then :

- wonder how often we should feed the baby
- wonder if the baby’s food needs to be all organic
- run out of ideas of what other food menu we can give
- bear the change of smell and texture from baby’s poop!

As the baby enters toddlerhood, most moms :

- face regular mealtime mess
- struggle through mealtime rejection phases
- wonder when salt, spices and sauces can be introduced
- are torn between choosing to let the child self-feed himself (read: mealtime mess) or continue to spoonfeed the baby

…

The actual list goes on and on and is different from one mom to another. Mealtime situations are even different from one child to another within the same family. One may perhaps be a consistently easy eater (lucky Mom!).

One thing for sure though, all moms go through some sort of mealtime ups and downs, and if you feel you’re one of them and are facing tough phases too with your kids, I’d just like to say : you’re not alone.

…

I’m hoping parents who read this blog can start sharing their personal experiences with the kids too, so everyone can learn from each other’s sharing.

All you need to do :

1) Click on the ‘Comment’ link (right under the Title of the blog entry)
2) Share a little something
3) Click ’RSS feed for comments on this post’, so that you can receive other people’s sharings via email

It’s that easy!

For a start, I’d like to invite readers near and far to share your mealtime experiences with your little kids.

Has your chid always been a good eater? Or a fussy one? Has she ever rejected her meals ? How did you deal with the situation ? Do you have any particular mealtime worries ?

Don’t forget to leave your name, your kid’s age, and perhaps where you’re in the world right now *smile*

Hope this discussion and sharing can be a start to something useful for all parents out there!

From: Respectful Parents, Respectful Kids: 7 Keys to Turn Family Conflict Into Co-operation

In some ways our children are as much guides for our life as we are for theirs.

They are a reminder of how lively and engaging life can be.

For children, the world is a giant laboratory and they’re serious explorers of it.

Watch, experiment with them and learn from them because they can help you remember how to be deeply in love with life.

Children play and explore, laugh and wonder right out loud. They provide a constant invitation for us to join them. Accept their invitation and cross the line into their world.

Imagine how it must feel to walk through sand for the first time, to balance on two wheels and zoom through space, to pluck petals from a daisy and sense the flower slightly tugging back, to hear an airplane or the wind or a crow caw for the first time.

Their awe and appreciation of simple things in life can be yours. And they’re wiling and waiting to share it with us.

If you expect your children to think and behave more ‘adult-like’ BEFORE they’re developmentally ready to perform them, we’re in a way threatening their sense of emotional security.

Trying to meet parents’ expectations but not yet ‘ready’ to do so is commonly experienced by all kids.

Drinking from a cup, eating with a spoon and tying shoes cannot be done before brain and muscles are ready.

And sometimes they may simply be genetically and developmentally unique and special.

As much as parents expose, teach and help a child to grow and develop, it is possible that he doesn’t ‘perform’ as we ‘hope’.

He may not yet start cruising at 10 months, nor as tall as his peers at 2 years, and not yet know his alphabets at three years of age. But despite all that, he is just as special as others who seem to be ‘more advanced for their age’.

Each child has their own unique timetable for developing, as well as their very own personalities, abilities and ways of learning.

The question is :
Do we see our child as unique and do we accept him just the way he is created, while at the same time positively encouraging him to continually explore and develop his potentials and letting him see our unconditional love and acceptance of him?

From : www.kidsource.com

“You never listen to me” is a complaint heard as often from children as parents. Good communication helps children and parents to develop confidence, feelings of self-worth, and good relationships with others.

Try these tips:

> Teach children to listen. Gently touch a child before you talk. Say their name.

> Speak in a quiet voice. Whisper sometimes so children have to listen. They like this.

> Look a child in the eyes so you can tell when they understand. Bend or sit down. Become the child’s size.

> Practice listening and talking: talk with your family about what you see on TV, hear on the radio or see at the park or store (Talk with your children about school and their friends)

> Respect children and use a courteous tone of voice. If we talk to our children as we would our friends, our youngsters may be more likely to seek us out as confidants.

> Catch children and teens being good. Praise them for cooperating with you or their siblings, or for doing those little things that are so easy to take for granted.

> Use door openers that invite children to say more about an incident or their feelings.
“I see,” “Oh,” “tell me more,” “No kidding,” “Really,” “Mmmhmm,” “Say that again, I want to be sure I understand you.”

> Praise builds a child’s confidence and reinforces communication. Unkind words tear children down and teach them that they just aren’t good enough.

> Children are never too old to be told they are loved. Saying “I love you” is important. Writing it in a note provides the child with a reminder that he can hold on to.

> Give your undivided attention when your children want to talk to you. Don’t read, watch TV, fall asleep or make yourself busy with other tasks.

As parents, I feel we all are in need of good and positive parenting-related reminders.

Well at least I know I do.

There’s still so much that I need to learn and I’m always happy to read (or hear from others) about such constructive inputs.

With that in mind, I plan to post regular parenting tips and thoughts that I myself find useful (to remember and apply), especially as I go through my daily adventures as parents to my two little ones.

These inputs may come from the books / sites I’ve read, sermons I’ve heard, or simply from my own personal thoughts that I’d like to share.

And of course, do feel free to comment, leave your own thoughts and tips too on the comment section yeah!

One of the books I’m reading right now is ‘Supernanny’ - How to get the best from your children‘ by Jo Frost.

I’ve seen her TV programmes (on TV and over on youtube) and there are lots of insightful stuff.

But if you ask me whether I ‘follow’ everything this book (or basically any books and websites in general) suggests, I’d say no - especially if it clashes with my own principle and beliefs.

I mean, if I feel a particular approach suits my situation and my kids, I’ll sure try it out. But there are also techniques which I choose not to implement to my kids, eg. I’ll consciously avoid using the word ‘naughty’ to Anya and Vai (or to any kids I come across actually), like in ‘What you did was NAUGHTY!’ or calling an area the ‘naughty’ corner. I prefer to describe their earlier undesired behaviour in different terms like, ‘not polite’, ‘a big no no no’ when talking to them.

But anyway, I do enjoy reading this book!

It refreshes my understanding of the different stages of a child’s development too. And by understanding our little ones better, we can approach difficult situations with more ’sensible expectations’. It also allows better possibility for us to work out more suitable approaches when dealing with challenging situations.

Anyway, here’s a little bit more about toddlers (18 months to three years) that I’d like to share here:

> Patience is not a toddler virtue. Some toddlers can hang on for a bit, but many can’t wait

> He can’t plan ahead. If he has an impulse, he’ll act on it and he won’t have the first idea where that’s going to take him or what he’ll feel like when he gets there

> He has no sense of danger

> His memory is limited. That means you’re going to have to repeat yourself. Over and over.

> He doesn’t understand what a promise is until it’s delivered. When he wants something, he wants it right away. His mind will be set on one thing.

> He can’t cope with too many choices. A lot of things he’ll say he wants will be contradictory. He’ll want his shoes on and he’ll want his shoes off - at the same time.

> He can’t understand that his actions may affect other people’s feelings. He doesn’t want to take turns.

> He wants more attention that it is humanly possible to give and he wants it for longer than there are hours in the day.

…

As I read the book, I do keep a mental note : not all kids are like that because yes there are some who are just more ‘mature’ emotionally and more understanding for his age, who are simply willing to share his toys, etc.

But yes I agree that those are common characteristics of toddlers in general (wherever they’re born around the world!).

And so bearing those aspects in mind, I try to remind myself that :

> I can’t expect / force my toddler (read: Vai) to always do what I say right there and then

> I can’t expect my kids (even Anya who’s 4 years old) to not be ‘childish’ or to be understanding - ‘like an adult’ - all the time

> The need to constantly, patiently and consistently guide, instill and teach them what is right and what is wrong is even more urgent

Ah it’s not easy. And there are heaps to pick up and learn for us parents, aren’t there.

Parenting. Yes, it’s a constant learning journey.