Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

Back to when I was 17yo in Perth, I chose Calculus as one of my subjects for TEE (Tertiary Entrance Examination).

No, I didn’t plan to do any maths-related course in University. Nor was I keen to apply for jobs where Calculus was involved.

Basically, I didn’t ‘love’ maths though I was not bad at it.

(At the time, we had to choose 4-6 subjects to do in Year 11&12, and the best 4 scores will contribute to our overall TEE score. That total score will then determine whether we can do the majors we wanted in Uni)
 
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So why did I choose Calculus?

It was because our Calculus teacher was awesome!!!

She was cool, she was fun in class, she could explain complicated maths into simple, understandable concepts.

She would sit and explain to me till I totally got it.

She let students rant and tell their stories, and she listened. Like a friend.She would laugh and take things easy when I couldn’t understand.

She would come to class and tell us about the rock concert she went to over the weekend.

She let students rant and tell their stories, and she listened. Like a friend.

She was fun to be with and she loved maths as much as she loved teaching it.

Thanks to such an awesome teacher, I found Calculus … fun!
 

 
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It’s amazing how teachers have the capacity to make students love something they don’t like beforeIt’s amazing how teachers have the capacity to make students love something they don’t like before (and errr, … teachers can also make students hate something they love before)

Anyway.

Whoever we are, whatever we do, … I think in one way or another we have the capacity to either inspire or turn others off.

Hope we do the former, not the latter.

(Thanks Miss Hawley – a.k.a. Mrs MacNaughtan – for being such an awesome teacher. So happy to have found her on Facebook!)
 
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Top photo: With Jee-Seon, my partner in crime who tried – but failed – to persuade me to do Law with her and a few other friends in Uni, haha.

Bottom photo: Our Calculus class!

 
You may have hardly kept in touch over the years that you’re apart, but whenever you’re together, there seems to be not enough time ever to catch up and share.

Does it remind you of your relationship with someone?

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Thanking God for such precious friendship.

 
If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:5
 
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The above is what I read for the kids before we said our prayers together last night, … and these thoughts were shared with them:
 
There are so many decisions/choices that we need to make every day.

Should I apologise or should I act like nothing has happened?Will I be kind or will I ignore that person? Should I be angry and throw a tantrum when my want is not given, or should I control my tongue and learn to obey? Do I play now or do I clear my homework? Should I apologise or should I act like nothing has happened? Should I follow what my friends tell me or should I find a way to not do what they do because it’s wrong?

Solomon asked for wisdom and God gave it to him.
 
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(At this point Brie said, ‘Solomon had hundreds of wives, right?’ to which I replied, ‘Yes, but Solomon having many wives is not what God wanted. Solomon asked for wisdom from God though, that’s the right thing to do.’

Brie then asked, ‘How did he marry so many wives?’, but I asked her to listen first before I sidetracked too far 😊)
 
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I continued,

Every day, we deal with ourselves, our desires, our tendency to do wrong even though we know what’s right.

We have to make so many choices every dayWe deal with difficult people, and we deal with tasks that we like and may not like to do. We have to make so many choices every day.

Wisdom comes from above.

And we must ask God to give us the wisdom we need. Mommy and Daddy need wisdom, too, including when we have to deal with you, ourselves and others.

As you grow up, we pray that you grow to be more wise, more kind, more loving, and be used by God to bless others.

This is the work of God in your heart, not the works of Mommy and Daddy.’
 
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If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:5
 
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(If you ask me, I have no idea how our 3 children will be like in 10, 20 or 30 years from now. We just do what do, pray for them, and instill values as best as we can and while we still can. The rest … is in God’s hands. Really.)

May God have mercy on all our families 🙏

 
I realise how it’s relatively easy for me to take photos of the kids.

May be it’s because we take loads of photos and they are used to it?

I don’t know.
 

 
The reality of our family life is not always full of smiles like our shared photos, though.

Because behind everyone’s nice photos posted and shared on social media, there sure are daily struggles and moments of failures, too.

And we, are no exception.

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(Still learning to be grateful each day, change towards the better and rise up when we tumble and fall)

Driving past homes, we naturally love seeing beautifully maintained lush gardens with well-trimmed flowers and trees.

Such gardens don’t happen over night though.

Countless hours of consistent care and maintenance must have been given to produce such a condition.

Planting of seeds, daily watering of plants, consistent trimming, pulling out little weeds, etc.

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‘I don’t love you anymore’I’m no gardener, but the above analogy reminds me that the same daily, consistent effort, care and attention MUST also be given to our marriage and relationships with our children, since day one.

Sadly though, too often, husbands/wives are ‘taken by surprise’ when – after 10 to 15 years of marriage – they hear their spouse say:

‘I don’t love you anymore’, or
‘I am tired of being ignored/unappreciated. I need to take some time off away from you.’
Or worse,
‘I want a divorce’ 😞

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‘My teenage son ignores me’The same goes with parents who sigh and say:
‘My teenage son ignores me and hardly ever returns my messages/calls!’
‘My teenage daughter puts her earphones on, plays with her gadget/smartphone, and ignores me when I talk to her.’
‘My teens seem to not want to relate to me!’

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The analogy of the gardener reminds me that little, consistent efforts from day one MATTERS if we truly want to build that ‘well-maintained lush gardens’ (before it’s too late)

eg. If we want our teenage children to communicate with us, struggle and instill open communications based on love and respect since they’re young.

This btw, includes consistent discipline, too.

(May God help us!)

If we don’t want them to have ‘their own world’ where they can care-freely ignore others, then instill a ‘family culture’ where, e.g.
– Bedroom doors are not to be closed (esp. at times of anger)
– Earphones are not to be used when family/friends are around or when in family car rides
– Games on gadgets/smartphones are not to be played on dining tables or when family/friends come to visit, etc.
– When child is being asked a question or being called, child must always verbally respond

Work hard and build the healthy marriage lifestyle since day oneAnd if we want our marriage to be loving and based on respect, faithfulness, forgiveness, open communication and appreciation, even after 20-30 years of marriage, then we need to work hard and build that healthy marriage lifestyle since day one.

e.g.
– Set aside time for each other: chat, catch up, and enjoy some husband-wife intimate time together
– Never leave the house out of anger
– Do not avoid discussions on matters that are regarded as a concern by your spouse
– Appreciate each other and show it in ways that matter to your spouse

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Yes, all this, is HARD WORK.

Even seems impossibly frustrating at times.

Relationships require a lot of effort to build.

Nothing is instant.

And, habits sure take many years to build.

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Habits sure take many years to buildI personally have so much to learn still.

(Note: Instilling positive habits in children does NOT automatically produce positive, loving relationships at all times. A simple proof that we are essentially sinners in need of God’s mercy and grace)

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Anyway.

May God give extra patience and grace to us parents and husbands/wives and … the thirst to learn and love others, other than ourselves.

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This food for thought is inspired by the book ‘What Did you Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage’ by Paul David Tripp.

He wrote:
“Spouses need to be reconciled to each other and to God on a daily basis. Since we’re always sinners married to sinners, reconciliation isn’t just the right response in moments of failure. It must be the lifestyle of any healthy marriage.”

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One book I personally recommend (and is available in Indonesian, too)

Our 12.5yo Levi asked me recently, ‘Why do we iron our own school uniforms?’

One, because our helper is away for 2.5 weeks, and mommy cannot survive handling everything by herself.

When you’re someone’s husband one day, you need to be helpful and know how to do basic house chores yourselfTwo, because you need to know how to do it. You don’t have to love doing it, but you need to be able to do it when it needs to be done. You won’t be with us all the time, and when you’re someone’s husband one day, you need to be helpful and know how to do basic house chores yourself, too.
 
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Here’s the reality:

Training our 3 kids, and building up habits from the home is not as simple as it seems, because it realistically does involve:

– repetitions
– encouragements
– listening to complaints (esp. At the beginning stage of any training of skills)
– dealing with delays
– scolding
– mental exhaustion
– giving reminders
– letting them try, fail and try again
– teaching with patience (very challenging)
– etc.
 
And it takes consistency and a LONG time to train our young ones.
 
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Frankly I think it’d be so much easier if everything is done by the helperFrankly I think it’d be so much easier if everything is done by the helper. Less headache for the parents, and the kids are spared from doing house chores at all.

But, easier doesn’t always mean better, no?

And in this case, we believe sparing our 3 kids from such training of daily habits will rob them off necessary ‘adult skills’ they need later in life.
 
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Sparing our 3 kids from such training of daily habits will rob them off necessary ‘adult skills’ they need later in lifeAs they say:
‘If you wish your spouse can offer more help around the house … if you wish your spouse can be more verbally considerate when he/she is angry … if you wish your spouse apologises upon making mistakes … if you wish your spouse wakes up earlier instead of waking up at 10am or 11am, … then make the effort to train up our own kids to be THAT kind of spouse for someone else one day.’
 
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Food for thought?

There’s always something sweet about little ballerinas.

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Brie: 7 years, 10 months.

Fruitful discussions this week for the programme ‘In Conversation With’.

One was on ‘greed’ as one of the 7 deadly sins, and the other was on T.U.L.I.P., which essentially talks about the amazing grace of God given to sinners, like me.

Am blessed by the insightful discussions.

Btw, they’ll air on Reformed 21 soon.

To watch any of the programmes online, at any time, click the link below.
http://www.reformed21.tv