Marriage: Different, But Okay!
Are Wilson and I different?
Yeah. I think we have our differences.
He’s very into sports (read: tennis).
He’s into coffee, while I’m into my cup of tea.
He remembers roads and directions really well, while I’m quite hopeless at it.
And so the list continues.
…
Do we share any similarities?
Of course.
It is because we both prefer exploring the outdoors (than the mall) that we easily agreed on going mountain hiking when our youngest was six years old.
And, I could list out more “shared values and interests” easily.
…
Someone ever asked me, “Does it matter if you are very different from your spouse?”
Well, my answer was:
First of all, if you’re NOT yet married, then THAT question should be considered super seriously by both parties.
BUT, if you’re already married, it should not be about “finding” your differences and fighting over them anymore.
Sure, you have things that you do NOT like about your spouse. You have disagreements, too. But, it’s no longer about who wins the argument and who loses.
(And if it’s about “right or wrong”, for us who believe in Christ, the standard of “right and wrong” is the Scriptures)
It’s no longer about who wins the argument and who losesWhen both of you are married, you have been “united” and two different individuals have been made into “one”.
And, if one plus one is equal to one, then “a bit of the wife” and “a bit of the husband” must be “trimmed” so that the two of you can be equal to one.
(I hope I’m making sense. It’s so much easier to explain this in person than in writing =)
Okay, let me say it this way.
It is NO longer about me, and what “I” wantIn marriage, both will need to do a lot of self denials, sacrifices, self control, forgiving, etc. Both parties need to learn to be humble enough to change for the better.
It is NO longer about me, and what “I” want.
The wife may sometimes need to let go of her personal preferences. The husband may sometimes need to go the extra mile and help out with the kids (even when he doesn’t feel like it).
Both also need to hold their tongues and not say phrases like:
“I told you so!”
“You are NEVER …”
“You are ALWAYS …”
Because such phrases (that give “temporary satisfaction”) will break the relationship rather than build it.
Now, the big question is, “Is it easy to do?”
Of course. NOT.
Like most things in life, it’s easier said than done.
But, it’s not impossible.
Building lifelong relationships take hard work and commitment, and most importantly, God’s grace and help.
The latter is what I’m clinging on daily.
…
May God help us, all wives and husbands, and give us the needed patience, faithfulness, joy and wisdom every day.
Amen.
