Nurturing Parent-Child Communication Since Young
Older children (especially teenagers) don’t automatically share their thoughts and struggles, if such parent-child communication habit has not been nurtured since very youngIf we wish to have children who share their days with us, their struggles, thoughts, sadness, happiness, annoyance towards something/someone, etc … I truly believe it needs to start from the very first day our child goes to ‘formal school’, ie. Where they leave us for a few good hours.
It is a HABIT that we need to nurture since day one.
And for our family of five, we started the habit with all three children.
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Since the eldest started going to Nursery (N2, back in Singapore), I purposely started the habit by:
– Picking her up from school myself
– Always asking open questions like, how her day was like, with whom she played that day, what she did with her teachers and friends during recess, etc.
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In the first year, I sometimes got replies like, ‘Hmm… I don’t know’, or ‘I can’t remember’In the first year (yes, it didn’t happen overnight), I sometimes got replies like, ‘Hmm… I don’t know’, or ‘I can’t remember’ (This btw happened to all three children when we started nurturing this habit)
So what I did was, I changed the ways my questions were worded.
At other times, I went on and told the kids about MY day, what I did earlier before I picked them up, the incidents that took place at home, for example.
Then, I asked about their day.
And, every now and then, I told them how I love hearing about their day.
(Again, in the first year when I started the habit, the kids didn’t always know what to share. Which to me was okay. But I still consistently asked different questions to help them recall how their day was like and share it with me).
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I have to learn to keep quiet and just LISTEN to their storiesBy now, the eldest is 13yo, the middle-born is 10.5yo and the lastborn is 5.5yo.
(I’m still ‘working on’ the lastborn’s habit to always tell me about her day at Kindergarten)
No problems with the older two children though.
When I pick the two of them from school, they’d most likely tell me about their day within 3-5 minutes.
AND, almost always, I have to tell all 3 kids to ‘take turns’ in telling me about their day.
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Do I sometimes get a headache from hearing their stories, complaints, or jokes?
Yes, I honestly do sometimes.
Especially when I happen to have a lot of other things (read: concerns) in my head.
But.
This is something that I also treasure very much.
And because I know how precious this habit is and how it must continue, I know I have to learn to keep quiet and just LISTEN to their stories. Many times I must say, it takes a LOT of effort to just, listen.
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It needs a lot of effort and consistency on our part. Self-denial, too.Do I think such a habit is a necessity?
Yes, I do, very much.
Older children (especially teenagers) don’t ‘naturally’ share their thoughts and struggles with their parents.
And if such parent-child communication habit has not been nurtured since very young, it’s highly unlikely that it’ll start during our children’s teenage years.
Do take note though: it needs a lot of effort and consistency on our part. Self-denial, too. Over many years (ie. Since they start going to school).
But I can tell you, it is totally worth it.
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Anyway.
I came across an article – 50 questions to ask your kids instead of asking “How was your day”, and I thought I should share the questions here, too, as ideas for you! =)
Here they are:
What made you smile today?
Can you tell me an example of kindness you saw/showed?
Was there an example of unkindness? How did you respond?
Does everyone have a friend at recess?
What was the book about that your teacher read?
What’s the word of the week?
Did anyone do anything silly to make you laugh?
Did anyone cry?
What did you do that was creative?
What is the most popular game at recess?
What was the best thing that happened today?
Did you help anyone today?
Did you tell anyone “thank you?”
Who did you sit with at lunch?
What made you laugh?
Did you learn something you didn’t understand?
Who inspired you today?
What was the peak and the pit?
What was your least favorite part of the day?
Was anyone in your class gone today?
Did you ever feel unsafe?
What is something you heard that surprised you?
What is something you saw that made you think?
Who did you play with today?
Tell me something you know today that you didn’t know yesterday.
What is something that challenged you?
How did someone fill your bucket today? Whose bucket did you fill?
Did you like your lunch?
Rate your day on a scale from 1-10.
Did anyone get in trouble today?
How were you brave today?
What questions did you ask at school today?
Tell us your top two things from the day (before you can be excused from the dinner table!).
What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
What are you reading?
What was the hardest rule to follow today?
Teach me something I don’t know.
If you could change one thing about your day, what would it be?
(For older kids): Do you feel prepared for your history test?” or, “Is there anything on your mind that you’d like to talk about?” (In my opinion, the key is not
only the way a question is phrased, but responding in a supportive way.)
Who did you share your snacks with at lunch?
What made your teacher smile? What made her frown?
What kind of person were you today?
What made you feel happy?
What made you feel proud?
What made you feel loved?
Did you learn any new words today?
What was the hardest rule to follow today?
If you could switch seats with anyone in class, who would it be? And why?
What is your least favorite part of the school building? And favorite?
If you switched places with your teacher tomorrow, what would you teach the class?
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I hope the post gives you more ideas on what to ask and why parent-child communication is a necessity in our family.
Have a wonderful day, everyone!
