Exploring Our Children’s Potentials

I was sitting all alone when I noticed a 3-year-old boy walking out of a hall, with his nanny (in uniforms) a few steps behind him.

The boy then made a turn and slowly walked further away from the hall (a children party was happening inside)

Then I noticed this:

Nanny: *stern voice* Eh! There’s a clown there! Don’t go there!

Boy : *stopped walking for a few seconds, and continued to walk away from the hall*

Nanny :  Eh eh! The clown is there! He will catch you! Come this way!

Boy : *stopped, turned and walked towards the hall, following the nanny*

…

To some people, this scenario may totally be okay and acceptable.

Because, the nanny is simply trying to get the boy to obey her, to stop venturing out further away from the party where he’s supposed to be.

And you know what, such a scenario (between young children and their helpers/nannies) IS indeed common, isn’t it?

I’ve even personally seen a helper spoon-feeding a 3-4 year old girl, and when the child didn’t quite open her mouth, or when she ate rather slowly, the helper said things like:

… Hurry up and eat your food lah! Police coming!

… Quick! Open your mouth! Or satan will come and take you!

… Eat faster! Mommy coming! She’ll beat you!

Yes, I’ve heard those – loud and clear – with my own ears.

What is wrong with the above, some may wonder.

Well, everything, if you ask me.

Here are some of my personal thoughts on this:

> Young children believe what adults say to them. Adults are their source of ‘truth’. So naturally, everything that they’re exposed to (words and actions) will somewhat shape and influence them in one way or another.

> In the above scenarios, the helper said those things to get the child to OBEY.

And, the easiest and fastest way to get a young child’s attention and obedience is through … fear and threat, isn’t it?

I mean, yes, the use of fear and threat will most likely get the child to obey and do what you ask them to do, BUT :

– This also means the child is subjected to unnecessary lies, fears and false images of many things

A police is out to catch little children who don’t obey their nanny?

Clown is scary and can take you away?

Satan is near you and will take you if you don’t eat quickly?

Daddy will later come home from work and beat you?

And it’s not a surprise if, as the child grows bigger, the nanny / helper uses bigger lies and threats to get them to obey

Sigh.

My heart goes out to all young children who are subjected to such fear and lies, day in and day out =(

Helpers / nannies are not our children’s parents. We are.Many children here in Jakarta (and I guess, around the world too?) get the best toys and the most fun birthday celebrations, … but day to day, are they spending most of their time with people who resort to lies and threats in their attempt to have control over the child?

…

To parents who engage nannies / helpers to care for the children everyday, may I ask some quick questions (which I hope serve as a reminder to us parents):
 
– How much time does your nanny / helper spend each day with your child?
(because young children are truly like sponges, absorbing everything around them)
 
– Are you aware of HOW your nanny / helper gain control over your child?
(eg. What do they say/do when your child disobey? What do they do to get your child to obey? In many cases, helpers/nannies are ‘helpless’ without their threats, because … the kids often simply don’t listen to them)
 
– Does your child look for the nanny / helper for information and help, more than they ask you, the parents?
(Is the child closer physically and emotionally to the helper/nanny? Does the helper/nanny override your decisions, even secretly perhaps?)
 

Ah.

Raising children is not easy, isn’t it?

One thing I always remind myself though : God gave our children to US, so it is only natural that we the parents are the ones with the calling to PARENT our children.

ie. WE are the ones with the big responsibility to raise, guide and educate our children, according to God’s ways.

Helpers / nannies are not our children’s parents.

We are.

And here’s another thing: Parenting is never about paying for the children’s meals, school and tuitions.

It’s not about giving the best toys.

Nor is it about throwing the best birthday parties.

It’s about giving our TIME, our attention, and taking the initiatives to be actively involved in raising our children, since day one.

Yes, however hard and tough our parenting days can be.

…

May God help us all, and give us the patience, joy and wisdom we all need everyday, to be the kind of parents HE wants us to be.

Because, as we all know, parenting is never easy.

…

PS: All four photos in this post were shared on my Instagram, taken in 2011 – 2014. Treasuring family moments with the kids.