Teaching Children Good Manners : Not Easy!
The other day, a close relative – who has spent a few days with our family – said to me,
‘Your kids are very well-behaved.”
He was referring to what he saw.
My kids ate all on their own, spoke politely to the helpers at my Mom’s place, they’d say to others who happened to be around them, ‘Makan dulu ya …’ before they started having their meals, etc.
(Btw, that’s Indonesian for “I’m eating first ya …”, a polite way to say here in Indonesia, if you’re about to eat something before others)
I smiled, and said thank you.
Hmm.
Say thank you to those who clear your table at eating placesWhen it comes to teaching good manners to children, I’m sure all parents agree when I say, there are a lot of ‘behind-the-scenes’ efforts (and mind-numbing situations!) that most others don’t see.
Because, good manners do NOT happen overnight.
As the parent, I’ve lost count of the number of times I have to remind, rebuke, scold and encourage the kids.
Like, reminding them BEFORE entering a friend’s house, to greet and say hello to the host and others they see inside.
Reminding them BEFORE a birthday party, to always say thank you when receiving gifts.
And in our daily chats with each other, we instill values like :
– It is important to speak clearly and look at the person you’re talking to, to answer / reply when asked a question
– Apologise when you’ve made a mistake.
Even when we’ve made a mistake unintentionally (eg. Stepped on a friend’s toe without knowing), we have hurt another person and we should say something like, ‘Oh sorry about that, I didn’t know I stepped on your toe.’
(Btw, apologising is not easy! For both kids and adults, I’d say)
– Gifts are ‘given’ to us without us ‘working’ for them, so it is a must for us to show our thankfulness, at least through our kind words to the giver
If you’re asking someone for help, please do speak in a polite tone, yes … with ‘please and thank you’
– If you’re asking someone for help (eg. Restaurant staff, domestic helpers at my Mom’s place), please do speak in a polite tone, yes … with ‘please and thank you’
– Say thank you to those who clear your table at eating places
(Sadly, this somehow is often not exercised by families, especially in Asian countries, where they feel it is the cleaners’ JOB anyway to clean/clear the tables, that they are PAID to do the job so why do we still need to thank them?)
– If someone is paying for your meals (eg. When we eat out for lunch / dinner with the big family), please do say thank you to the person
The list goes on and on.
And, here are three other things that are even more important I think:
1. We the parents need to be the role model.
We need to make the effort to walk the talk, as consistently as possible.
2. Thankfulness must come from the heart.
When we understand WHY we need to be thankful, WHAT the other person has done, only then we can truly be thankful and express it through our actions and words, ie. It should never be ‘lip service’.
3. Most important of all, we must be thankful to God for everything that we have.
For blessing us with a family, a home, food, life and health, school, friends, opportunities to learn this and that, for the gift of salvation, for everything. Because everything that we are, and everything that we have, come from above. It’s a gift. A blessing.
…
regardless of how consistent we are in walking our talk, there are times (many times) when our children *still* behave like they’ve never quite been taught about mannerism and gratefulness.And you know what?
Here’s the reality.
Even after the tens and thousands of words we’ve uttered, and regardless of how consistent we are in walking our talk, there are times (many times) when our children *still* behave like they’ve never quite been taught about mannerism and gratefulness.
But then again, that’s just us human, isn’t it?
We simply need constant training and reminders.
Again.
And again.
And again.
(Thank God, HE is so patient in training us and dealing with us everyday too!)
Oh well.
Let’s ask for God’s wisdom and perseverance, to keep on teaching, encouraging, rebuking and reminding ourselves and the little ones, to do what’s right and true.
It’ll be a life-long struggle.
May God help and strengthen us in becoming the kind of parents HE wants us to be. Everyday.
