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Teaching Children Good Manners : Not Easy!

1 April 2014 – 11:34 am |

The other day, a close relative – who has spent a few days with our family – said to me,
‘Your kids are very well-behaved.”
He was referring to what he saw.
My kids ate all on their …

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Home » Parenting

Parenting : “So, You’re a Full-time Mom?”

13 December 201322 Comments

If you’ve made a choice to be a full-time Mom, I’m sure you’ve encountered ‘interesting phrases’ from friends or families who ‘question’ and ‘comment’ on your decision, no?

Let’s see if any of the ones below sound ‘familiar’ to you:

‘Whoa! You stay home all day ah? I sure cannot tahan one!’

‘So what do you do all day? Must be so free ah everyday?’

‘You should hire a helper, then you can go back to work and earn more money!’

‘Tsk. Your parents paid so much for your education, and you ONLY become a fulltime mom in the end. What a waste …’

‘So you don’t work at all? Whoa, I cannot afford a good life like you. My husband doesn’t earn as much as yours’

Interesting assumptions.

Childhood will pass sooner than we thinkI’ve personally heard some of those above, and I thought today I should share SOME of my reasons for choosing to be a full-time mom.   

Here goes:

>> I CHOOSE to be a full-time Mom, because my husband and I believe in these:

a) Children are treasures entrusted to US, so it is our calling to be involved parents in raising and teaching them

b) I am a degree holder and with me being a fulltime mom, my children actually get taught and educated by a degree holder, not by someone who came from the village, whose education level, background and upbringing we’re not even familiar with.

c) Childhood will pass sooner than we think. If we want to build on strong relationships with our children based on love, trust and respect, it must start from day 1, NOT when they’re much older.

d) HOME is the best place to start instilling values and principles in children (morally, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, and everything else). And the responsibility is in the hands of the parents.

e) Giving the children our ‘time’ is better than ‘presents’ (though naturally, they’d LOVE presents, and most likely won’t appreciate what we do anyway, till … decades later, I guess?)


>> Although money is needed for us to cover our day to day expenses, money is NOT everything.
 I’m not interested in earning lots of money at the expense of losing my time with my children, especially during their growing up years.

(This basically means, the majority of full-time moms, including myself, most likely need to watch their expenses, juggle, and often, put off / not buy whatever they want. Well, unless the husbands are doing very well financially)

A helper is great to have, but a helper is definitely not to replace our responsibility in raising the children.>> A helper is great to have, but a helper is definitely not to replace our responsibility in raising the children. For our case, we choose to engage a part-time helper who comes for 2-3 hours, 3 times a week.

(For my case, I’m now a full-time mom AND am working too. The flexible working hours allow me to still be with my family, while juggling work and everything else. I love what I do, but realistically, … this also means sleeping less hours each day, ie. I clear most of my work when everybody is asleep. And it’s not easy.)

Fulltime moms’ lives are not as simple and easy as some people think Now, having said that, I realise how every family is different, and everyone of us has unique family situations.

I guess, with this post I just want to emphasise on this: Fulltime moms’ lives are not as simple and easy as some people think.

And I strongly hope the society in general learns to respect full-time moms’ decisions (to be full-time parents), and appreciate the importance of their role in raising the next generation.

Because, the best things in life often can’t be measured by dollars and cents.

To all full-time mommies, JIA YO!

May God give us the wisdom, strength and joy everyday.

Have you encountered similar comments? What are YOUR reasons / thoughts on becoming a full-time mom?

22 Comments »

  • simplejoy says:

    Thank you for your post. :)

    Every family will have their reasons whether wife is homemaking, or ext families are helping to take care, and so long it works for them, why not. :) I grew up with my granny who took care of me and Ive learnt many valuable lessons from that.

    Having said that, the reason why Im staying home now is perhaps not so much that the kids need me, but its a conviction and prayerful decision with my hubby that this is season where ministry is best at home.

    Homemaking does NOT mean that

    1.Im fully qualified to do the job (most of the times i pray desperately for wisdom as Im so noob to this),

    2.I know best and more than the grannies (sometimes they do give interesting perspectives just that we need to discern if it applies to our context.:))

    3. i do not need a village to raise her up. As a homemaker, its also my duty to ensure that the kids have sufficient time with the grannies so that they grow up close to them and knowing that the immed ext family is an integral and impt part of her daddy and mummyz lives. It takes alot of effort to be intentional.

    4. My kids will turn out better than those of working mums because i know the challenges they faced is also something I will never be able to fully comprehend.

    So all in all, its something that has worked in my family and to me its a privilege that I can stay at home during this season to witness the lowest and highest points of my child and sharing this with those that matters most to us.

    It is our desire that before she has to start the life of this world attending schs etc, she will come to value the little and important things in life that we as a couple and family treasures, and may these stay with her and see her through as she finds her way in this big world out there.

    Have a blessed day. :)

  • Maya says:

    Thanks for sharing Leonny. That part about our children being taught by a degree holder is totally on point. Got to me a little, because honestly, I can’t say that helping them with their homework is something I look forward to every afternoon.
    Parenting full time at home is a whole new ball game that requires some serious getting used to. This is my third year at home and I can say that there has never been a dull day! :)
    Maya recently posted..Jakarta Underwater.My Profile

  • Maya says:

    Thanks for sharing, Leonny. That part about our children getting taught by a degree holder is super on point. Parenting full time at home is a whole new ball game that requires some getting used to. Thanks for reminding us of the divine calling, and to be grateful everyday for the chance to be able to fulfil it.

  • Katie says:

    Hi

    I think the use of full time mums is incorrect.
    It should be full time stay at home mums.

    Reason simply being Full time working mums do not make them any less hands on on their kids and thus they are not anywhere near Part time mums. Hence, it is not right to say non working mums are full time mums impying that working mums aren’t full time mums?

    • Leonny says:

      Hi Katie,

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

      If I may share, to me … the term ‘full time’ is simply referring to the amount of “hours” in a day that we dedicate our day to, eg. When we clock in 9am – 5pm in an office, then it makes us a full-time staff of that company.

      To me, it does not necessarily refer to one’s dedication or commitment.

      eg. I can easily name a ‘full-time working mom’ – whom I personally know – who is more dedicated and hands-on than one particular ‘full-time stay at home mom’ I know (who spends her many hours with her children, but is not involved much in the children’s lives)

      So, yes … I do agree with you when you say “being Full time working mums do not make them any less hands on on their kids “.

      Cheers =)

  • Bijen M. says:

    Thanks for this post.
    Really inspired.
    My wife is a fulltime mom.
    :)
    Bijen M. recently posted..Renew cukai jalan & insurans online?My Profile

  • fiona says:

    Hi leonny, salam kenal ya :) sdh lama suka baca2 blogmu sejak msh di Sg, tp ga pernah leave comment ya :D thanks for sharing! sy jg seorg sahm dgn 2 kids under 3, dan kami jg hire a part-time helper spt yg kamu punya :) Tulisanmu di sini benar2 mewakili apa yg sy yakini :) Thanks for every encouragement you’ve shared

  • ellys ang says:

    leonny…
    once again your blog make me feel better…

    really need those words…

  • yd says:

    Hi Leonny, just a thought. jadi kalau ibu yang bekerja di luar rumah, bukan full time mother? , once she steps out the house, the mother responsibility and privileged is stripped and she turns to a part time mother? i am sure each individuals may have their own consideration and perspective whenever she and her family(husband) chooses to be a stay at home mother or a mothers who professionally employed. I think these days it’s not relevant anymore to discuss what is right and not right. Because every woman have their own situation. Just to emphasize, once a woman becomes a mother. She’s a full time – life time mother to her child. Nevertheless, she stays a home nor she works outside

    • Leonny says:

      Hello Yuli,

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

      The main intention of me writing this post is to encourage women who :
      - have chosen to stay at home and spend their full days with their children
      - AND have encountered negative reactions / comments / responses (because of their decision) from the friends / families / society in general

      Often, the society in general values women ‘MORE’ if they bring $$ home. In Singapore, eg., it is common for people to give such remarks as I shared in the post, to women who choose to stay at home.

      I myself have encountered such remarks from others including my own family members, and I thought I should write a blog post to share my reasons for choosing to stay at home and raise my children fulltime, and at the same time, I hope to change – one way or another – more and more people’s ‘negative views’ towards women who choose to not work professionally and stay at home to raise their kids.

      So, the post is not intended to look down on women who have chosen to work fulltime, because I personally know women too who have no choice but to work fulltime in order to support her families financially, eg.

      And finally, … since today is Dec 22nd, SELAMAT HARI IBU ya… =) it is Hari Ibu here in Indonesia =)

      • Katie says:

        quote your reply here “know women too who have no choice but to work fulltime in order to support her families financially, eg.”

        This statement is just as biased and unfair to many of full time working mums who choose to work full time WILLINGLY. Many of us have full time jobs in order not to depend on the other half and also not to waste their years of teritary or even post graduate education!

        We do have a choice to be Housewives or not.

        And it does not mean that being a full time working mum means I am not dedicated to my kids!

        • Leonny says:

          Hi Katie,

          Continuing from my previous reply to your comment, basically, the post is intended to encourage moms who choose to spend their whole day with their children but have faced many negative remarks and responses from the their surrounding / society.

          Like what you wrote, everyone has their own situations and their own reasons for whatever decisions they make. Willingly or unwillingly.

          I agree with you when you say ‘ it does not mean that being a full time working mum means I am not dedicated to my kids”.

          There sure are dedicated moms out there who also dedicate many hours in a day, their talents, to a company.

          Because I myself willingly choose to spend my whole day with my children, my blog content naturally is about the everyday things I experience, and my thoughts which are related the decisions I’ve made =)

          Have a good weekend …

  • Belinda Halim says:

    Indeed it’s a divine calling. This article is a great reminder for me myself and other people out there who do not really appreciate the role of a stay-at-home-mother. In my own experience, ironically, someone told me to do business from home, perhaps because he thought that a SAHM with three young children like me has a lot of free time and do not contribute financially to my family.

    • Leonny says:

      Thanks for sharing, Bel … Well, that’s the thing, there’s a tendency for the society to not value women who choose to stay at home and care for their children … Hope over time, there can be a change in people’s mindset and views

  • Andrea says:

    Thank you for giving a voice to full-time Mums. Indeeed we Mums who choose to take the path less trodden will not get much empathy especially from people who have not walked this road. :) Thank God for his faithful daily portion of new mercies every morning when we wake up!

  • dev says:

    Ci, ini yg jadi pemikiran saya beberapa bulan belakangan ini. Saya berencana tahun depan menjadi full-time mom, tapi saya bimbang sekali.

    Tujuan utama saya bekerja bukan untuk uang (meskipun itu penting juga) tapi untuk bersosialisasi, punya teman, bisa sharing, bisa ketawa2, gosip2 iseng di kantor.

    Saya rasa jika saya jadi full time mom saya tidak bisa melakukan itu, hanya dirumah saja mengurus anak2, antar jemput sekolah ngobrol sama orang tua yg lain tapi cuma basa basi saja. Memikirkan itu semua membuat saya jadi ‘takut’, lama2 susah buat saya buat bersosialisasi lagi.

    Bagaimana menurut cici? thanks ya. :)

    • Leonny says:

      Hello Dev,

      Waktu kita mau melakukan perubahan apapun, memang ga heran kalau ada perasaan bimbang ya. Dari kerja ke stop kerja, atau sebaliknya, urusan pindah rumah, pindah negara dll .. juga mirip.

      Nah, kl mnr saya sendiri, kamu perlu yakin benar alasan kamu mau quit kerja itu apa, karena ini akan mempengaruhi sikap dan hati kamu saat menjalankan hari2 kamu sehari2 jadi fulltime mom. Karena, pasti kamu akan lewatin hari2 sulit, mungkin lebih sulit dari hari2 kamu waktu di kantor, kamu akan mgkn denger komentar2 krg enak ttg keputusan kamu dll juga. Kalau kamu sudah yakin benar alasannya, kamu akan lebih bisa hadapin apapun kesulitan di depan (dengan kekuatan dari Tuhan tentunya ya)

      Kalau soal sosialisasi versus jadi fulltime mom yg sepertinya lebih kurang sosialisasi, balik lagi sih ke pertanyaan diatas dan balik lagi ke alasan2 kamu, kenapa mau jadi seseorang yang dedicate more time for the kids sehari2. Kalau secara keluarga, hanya 1 orang yg bekerja itu masih bisa utk tutup biaya hidup sehari-hari, dan kamu & suami berdua juga strongly feel it is important to raise your children day to day, instilling values yang akan jadi bekal hidup mereka sampai mereka besar dll, … hal2 lain itu cenderung akan menjadi ‘less important’, karena kamu melepaskan untuk sesuatu hal yang lebih penting. ummm, semoga ngerti ya maksudnya aku =)

      semoga menolong yah …

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