Bigger Age Gaps In Kids is Better For All?
Frankly, I’ve never imagined that there’ll be another baby in the house after Vai.
But then again, life is full of surprises. Wonderful surprises.
(I shared about our thoughts and struggles when we first thought about having baby no. 3 in the family last year)
And today, we have one big sister, and one little sister in the family!
Anya is 7 years older than Brie, and there’s hardly any sibling rivalry since Brie was born.
Well, at least I can say there’s none SO FAR.
Since Brie was born, Anya likes to play with her little sister. She’d offer to carry her. She can babysit Brie while I do some cooking in the kitchen. It’s nice.
(The same goes between Vai and Brie actually. And Vai is 5 years older than his little sister)
Many people tell me that there’ll hardly be any sibling rivalry if the age gap is rather big between the kids.
And I thought, … while it may be true, bigger age gaps does not necessarily translate to loving sibling relationships between the kids, yes? Because how we parents continually encourage positive sibling relationships amongst the kids do play a big role too in how they eventually relate and connect with each other.
Yes? No?
What say you?
12 Comments »
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Hi Leony,
I agree with you, it depens on the ‘quality’ of your parenting style to develop the love ambience among the kids relations..
I have youngest sister with gap 9 years old…and so far i remember during our childhood we were okay, no significant fight or and even now, we are close to each other, sharing and talking about anything :))
and now, i implement those parenting style to both of my kids (their gap is 3.5 years old) Hope in the future, they always care to each other
thanks and really loves your blog :))
Hello Lulu! =)
Thanks for sharing! It’s so nice to hear that you can get along with fine with your sister, though there’s a 9 year gap between you two. Your parents must’ve really done well raising you both from the start … =)
Stay in touch yeah! Love to hear your thoughts on other topics shared here on my blog … Take care!
I am not really sure that a bigger age gap does not equate better. My sis and I has a 6yr gap. We fight and argued from young and disliked one another. It’s only after secondary school that we begin to appreciate each other.
Many people has been telling me that it’s good to raise “do re mi” together since after the last one is at least 5 yrs old, my load will be very much lighter and fun to be with the family. I guess right now, I have to really “jaga” the jealously running through “Do re mi”. Lately, my second one is very clingy to me as I think he sensed that Little brother is coming out soon. Whoever laid their hands on me, he will brush away and ask the person to “go away”. Especially so with my eldest daughter. My second one also told me that he does not want little brother to come out. But my eldest is really looking forward to the arrival of the little brother as she can continue her sister’s role.
My view is that it all boils down to the perception of the individuals. If we give them positive comments about the arrival of the little one soon, and that more responsibilities for them, if they take it well, they will brace for the responsibilities. My second one, I failed to do that, because he is really young, 18months…so may not understand or appreciate the arrival of the little brother.
That’s all I got to share…..sorry for the “long comment”.
Hi hi …
sorry for the late reply. I read your comment as soon as it came in.
I agree that at a younger age (eg. your second one is 18 months), it’s tougher for them to understand about the arrival of another sibling. Older children however will tend to understand the whole concept better (ie. when we explain to them and create a positive feel etc)
All the best with the delivery yeah! Really hope everything is okay and you’re coping well with all 3 … Not going to be easy, esp. in the first few weeks, … but over time I’m sure you’ll eventually get the hang of things … Jia yo!! =)
Ci Leonny! Kalo aku komennya: gile itu Brie cute banget di foto pertama! Hehehehe..
My Sis is 9 years older. My two brothers 13 and 10 years older than I am. I have to say big age gaps have its perks and falls. They dote on me but cos they deemed themselves to be wiser, I’m often being “advised” on what I should do. And they are never my play mates when growing up. They have more grown up things to do.
As for the perks, my mother didn’t really had an empty nest. The other 3 grew up and there was still me to stick around for a while. My siblings also take care of me a lot cos I’m the youngest.
Hi Jen!
That sounds rather familiar hehe … coz my sisters are all 8, 7 and 5 years older than me and I do get ‘advised’ a lot … Not my playmates, and it’s only when I’m much older (in my 20s) that I can chat with them like we are in the ‘same age category’ =)
Yes my sister is my best friend now. Though she still orders me around 🙂
My Sis and bro are less than 1 year apart. She doesn’t even address him as brother but directly with his name. They fight a lot. Haha but still close in a while cos they were in the same class in secondary.
Hi Ci,
Karna baru punya satu anak, jadi tidak ada pengalaman langsung.
Namun dari apa yang aku lihat, saya merasa memang dengan adanya selisih umur, akan mengurangi tingkat persaingan antar anak.
Mungkin hal ini dikarenakan, akan lebih mudah untuk orang tua menjelaskan dan mengkomunikasikan kepada si anak saat anak tersebut sudah dapat berbicara dan mengungkapkan keinginannya. Bandingkan cara menjelaskan kepada anak yang usianya 2 thn dengan yang 4 thn pastinya berbeda.
Tetap saja, cinta kasih antar anak itu ngk datang sendirinya dengan perbedaan umur itu, tetap harus diajarin terutama dari orangtua.
sekedar sharing yang aku pernah alamin sendiri:
Satu hari, Anak laki tertua (5thn) ngomong ke saya bahwa adik dia (1thnan) gigit jidat dia.
Dia lanjutkan lagi, bahwa si adik sebenarnya mungkin mau cium keningnya, cuma si adik ngk sengaja gigit dia.
Penjelasan singkat si anak ini, membuat saya percaya bahwa bagaimana si kakak bukannya kesal kepada si adik, tapi dia bisa memaklumi kelakuan si adik, adalah buah pengajaran yang ditanamkan orang tuanya tiap2 hari.
salam,
erlina 🙂
hello Erlina,
Saya juga setuju sekali kalau cara ortu jelasin dan kasih pengertian itu efek sekali ke relasi antar siblings. seperti contoh yg di share … Gigit jidat itu pasti tidak disengaja dan mungkin karena mau cium keningnya … =)
hi Leonny,
we actually encourage some Sibling-rivalry in our house, as long as they do not start pulling hair or biting :p
We teach kids to love each other, and take care of each other for life, but we also want them to stand-up on their own and be independent.
When they quarrel or fight over toys, we give them choices :
– play together or
– parents move in and confiscate everything.
Siblings are normally closer when age-gap is nearer (even when jealousy flares up more frequently).
cheers,
andy
Hi Andy,
we do that too … play together, be nice, … or stop playing altogether till can play / treat each other nicely …
=)