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Parenting : Young Children Absorb Everything They See and Hear

19 August 2014 – 12:05 am |

 
Who do our young children spend their most time with everyday?
Mommy? Grandparents? Nanny?
(Or, TV? Electronic Media, like iPads?)

Ever realise that children, especially young children, love to imitate the behaviours of people around them?
Especially those whom …

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Home » Inspirational, Parenting

Parenting : ‘So, Do Your Kids ever Yell at You?’

6 October 20107 Comments

Sometimes, I get asked, ‘Do your kids misbehave?’

Or, ‘Do they ever talk back to you or something?’

And my answer has always been, ‘OF COURSE they do.’

I mean, they’re sinners just like me. Even us adults still sometimes do things that we know we shouldn’t, what more little ones who’re still learning about themselves, about life and its many complicated things.

Let me share something with you.

I always believe in communicating as best as I can with my children.

When I have to discipline them or make a particular decision as a result of their misbehaviour earlier on, I share with them (though it may not be done right there and then, depending on the situation) my reasons for doing so, what they should’ve done instead, the impact of their behaviour towards me or others, etc.

And afterwards, I always, always, tell them how much I love them, and how I’m sad whenever I had to discipline them.

But.

Despite all that, Anya and Vai do NOT always ‘understand’ what I mean or why I do what I do.

Well, naturally.

There have been phases (read: frequent episodes within a day, which take place for a week or two, or three!) where they simply are very rude towards me.

They’d scream at me. They’d cry and insist on their earlier request. They’d talk back and argue. They’d stomp their feet and leave, after rolling their eyes and raising their voice at me.

And the ’cause’ of such behaviour?

Well, here’re two sample scenarios that could take place just a minute before the whole episode began:

Scenario 1:

Mommy picked kids from school. Kids and Mommy hugged. Then kid asked:

Kid : Mommy, can we go to the hawker centre and eat something there?

Mommy: Today? No, we can’t because we need to get back home soon. Remember I told you how we’re going out again tonight?

Within seconds after I finished my sentence, this happened:
Kid raised voice, frowned, complained how I NEVER take her to any hawker centre. Kid whined and insisted to go. And when I still said no (in a normal tone), kid complained, raised voice, cried, and frowned all the way home.

Scenario 2:

Kid still coughing badly and was not supposed to eat any sweets.

Kid : Mommy, can I have one candy please? Puh-leaseeeee?

Mommy: Yes, you can when your cough is nearly gone, okay? You know that no one should eat any candy when they’re coughing badly because it makes it worse.

Then, the screaming and whining episode began.

People ask me if I scold my kids. And my answer is, ‘Yes, of course. But it also depends on each situation.’ (read: I choose to not easily scold / raise my voice in anger as the kids can easily ‘get used to’ my scoldings, which means what I say to them will easily lose its ‘impact’ too)

Sometimes when my kids misbehave frequently and repeatedly over a period of a few days or so, these thoughts do cross my mind:

- Have I perhaps been too harsh / strict on them all this while, which resulted in this kind of behaviour?
- Or perhaps, have I been too soft that they feel they can treat / respond towards me in such a way?
- Haven’t I taught them enough?
- What can I do to make things better?

Well, one thing is for sure, I never tolerate rude behaviours.

I mean, I always point it out and let them know whenever they speak rudely, behave in a manner they shouldn’t, etc.

I’d also ask them to apologise and explain what it is that they’re apologising for (ie. they need to know what it is that they’ve done wrong).

Sometimes I also choose to say nothing, and just give them a ‘look’ (that basically says, ‘Look, watch your words. You’re being rude’)

In my head, I know it’s just a phase. I know that they’re just kids who’re learning to manage their emotions. I know how they’ll ‘grow out of it’ if we consistently and lovingly teach them well, etc.

[I know too that however bad things can get sometimes, it could always be worse when they've entered their teenage years!]

KNOWING all that does not automatically make facing the challenging attitudes much much easier though.

It does help in keeping my perspective of things, but it doesn’t mean I feel okay when my kids yell at me over unreasonable demands.

Anyway.

Things are better these days (read: I’ve had worse days last week and the week before)

But I just thought of sharing all this with you.

Really. I learn a lot from being a parent.

I feel my children remind me of how vulnerable I am as a parent. How there’s so much about myself and my characters that I still need to change towards the better too.

And most importantly, how it’s purely because of God’s grace if I could enjoy my days as a parent, and if a sinner like me is entrusted with children whom I have the responsibility and calling to teach and raise according to God’s ways.

Despite all the challenges I face from time to time, I know I’m blessed nevertheless.

Very blessed.

P.S.: Btw, so sorry for not being able to reply to all your emails and comments left on my blog or Facebook. It’s been overwhelming at times. I read every single one as they come in though, and I really treasure them all. Please keep on sharing yeah. I always love to hear from you.

7 Comments »

  • zura zubir (malaysia) says:

    really well said. i love it so much…well myself ..i always sclod my son…
    like im so perfect enough..but after i read these..i realize…yes myself is not perfect and a sinner.tq so much

  • zura says:

    hye there,

    i truly love this entry..well said, me also facing this situations and sometimes i was getting anger to my kid. now i will practice all you tips!! tq

  • Siska says:

    thx for this post, Le. Thank God, so far… I’ve never had JL yelling at me, or being rude to me. Her misbehaviour when she was younger was just a plain naughtiness that a 2 yo had. The rudest thing she’s ever done was not answering when my friends asked her questions, eg. what’s your name? and she didn’t answer. I told her, that was rude. On her defense, she said, she was shy because she didn’t really know that friend of mine very well. But NEVER she yelled at me. But this post of yours prepares me when JH is a bit older. Knowing his characters, no doubt he will be rude and yelling at me when he’s not happy. Whereas, his sister somehow can accept all my explanation upon refusing her requests. Ah… children… i still can’t believe how different they can be. when both were coming out from the same tummy.

  • andy says:

    haha Leonny, my kids made me realised how much I must have tortured my Mummy when I was growing :p

    2. If kids do not yell or shout, I get more worried (are they sick?). We can only hope this is one of those “phases” which will come and go haha

  • Mimi Goh says:

    lately Ethan wanted to BEAT me but don’t dare to BEAT (action of boxing) to my hubby !!!
    me see Ethan’s behaviour the same actions & behaviour how I treated my late mum ……..
    he does like wat yr A+V did those usual kids’ behaviours if things don’t get into him…….his therapists told me to talk NICELY to him which we tried but still ONLY 1minute of well-behaved !!!
    This Monday, he was kept till last student to dismiss as he turned into deaf ears when his class teacher asst kept telling him in soft tone without stern voice ……. his class form teacher reprimended him infront of my presence then he still REFUSED to apologise & WORST , his eyes looking elsewhere !!!
    I’m so SORRY and EMBRASSED for his behaviour !!! His father spoilt him alot just like my late mum had spoilt me which i DON’T WANT HISTORY to repeat !!!

  • Linda says:

    I usually never let my no.1 rude behavior get away. After I explain, I’ll get her to REPEAT after me. When she said sorry, i’ll ask “sorry for what?”. Until she get the reason right…. Then I’ll be satisfied.

  • chubbybots says:

    Hmm somethings you have to be cruel to be kind. I used to get scolded by my parents for things that I thought I was right last time. But thinking back I have to thank them for it for steering me in the right direction! So when your kids grow up I am sure they will appreciate it even though they might not like it now!

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