29 March 2010
Parenting : Encouraging Responsibility and Independence
Category : Parenting, Principles & Values Permalink · 3 Comments »
“I want to do it myself, Mommy”
We parents hear this a lot from the kids, don’t we?
Little ones want to accomplish certain tasks themselves, but many parents sometimes feel they’re still too young to do get them done ‘properly’.
Also, they believe it’ll be ‘faster’ too if the adults do them.
In our family, we believe in encouraging Anya and Vai to do certain tasks themselves since young.
Like, going over to the counter to order some ice cream or drinks, making payments to the supermarket cashier, approaching a restaurant staff and asking for an extra spoon, etc. And I’d usually be near enough to see where they are and how they’re going, just in case they suddenly need my help.
[In the above photo, Vai was ordering some french fries at McDonald's. I love how he looked so small compared to the rest of the people in the queue, hehe]
At home, Anya and Vai also have their ‘areas of responsibilities’.
Our 3.5yo Vai is ‘in charge’ of ensuring that our bathroom is tidy by taking out any ‘to-be-washed clothes’ from our bathroom to the laundry. As for our 6yo Anya, she is ‘in charge’ of the neatness of our ’shoes area’.
Our hope is that through these simple activities and tasks, they both learn to see themselves as responsible members of the family, as being ‘capable’ to do certain things without any ‘adult’s constant help’, and when they do need to interact with strangers, they can feel more confident too in expressing their requests to them.
Anyway.
I found a nice article on ‘Teaching Children Responsibility and Independence‘ the other day and I’d like to share some of the points in that write-up here today.
Happy reading, and hope you’ll find this article insightful and useful!
…
Children start the drive toward independence at an early age. Some parents, accustomed to meeting all of their children’s needs, are reluctant to give in to their children’s demands for independence. However, this is the time for parents to find the balance between letting their children begin to do things for themselves and providing their children with the support and guidance they need.
With this increasing independence comes the ability for children to understand the concept of responsibility.
Here are some things parents can do to foster responsibility and independence in their children.
- Let your children do things for themselves.
Even very young children begin to show an interest in doing things for themselves. Parents can encourage independence by letting their children do things for themselves as soon as they express a desire to do so. Parents should focus on effort and avoid being critical of the end product.
- Let your children help with challenging tasks.
Parents should encourage their children to try to do new things and to face new challenges. This will certainly boost children’s sense of competence. Parents should be careful to choose tasks that their children are able to accomplish.
- Learn to model responsibility and independence.
Children learn by watching their parents. One of the best ways for parents to teach their children to behave responsibly and independently is by displaying those behaviours themselves. Parents should let their children see them making decisions without wavering. Parents should let their children see them taking care of responsibilities in an appropriate manner.
- Help and encourage your children to solve their own problems.
Problem-solving is a skill that must be learned. Parents should then encourage their children to come up with their own solutions to their problems. The ability to problem-solve is a skill that will be useful throughout children’s lives. It will also aid in the development of confidence and independence.
- Be there to provide support, when needed.
Even the most independent-minded children need to lean on their parents from time to time. Parents should make an effort to be available to their children and to provide support when needed. Children who know their parents will be there when they need them will have the confidence needed to explore the world.
- Verbally encourage your children.
Parents should provide their children with lots of verbal encouragements when they display responsible and independent behavior.
- Give your children responsibilities.
Most children want to help their parents and to feel needed. One of the best ways for children to learn how to behave responsibly is to be given responsibilities. Parents can give their children responsibilities in the form of chores. Parents should make sure that the chores assigned to their children match their capabilities. Parents should also take the time to show their children how to do their assigned tasks the correct way. Parents should keep in mind, though, that how well their children perform a task is not as important as what their children are learning about responsibility.
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