Parenting : When we have to go through the Downs
We all know that parenting is a journey.
There are ups and there are downs.
As much as we don’t quite look forward to the challenging ‘down’ moments of being a parent, the reality is it’s part and parcel of being a parent.
And I recently was reminded again that what’s more important is ‘how we respond’ when we go through those tough moments in life.
Last week, right after I started taking my antibiotics (read: Sunday night) for my Tonsillitis, things felt like they went from bad to worse.
I couldn’t take one little sip of water without struggling to fight the stabbing pain on my throat.
I paused, cringed from the stinging pain, and shivered to the point of crying when I tried to munch a little piece of vegie (that happened to have some oyster sauce on it).
I could hardly ate anything from Monday to Wednesday.
AND, I could NOT talk nor whisper (because I’d feel as if thousands of needles were jabbed onto my throat).
Now that’s the MOST challenging thing to me.
I NEED to be able to talk in order to ‘communicate’ with my kids. To get through the day.
(well, unless you’ve been communicating with sign language since day one with your children of course)
Anya, let’s brush your teeth.
Vai, please come over and have your breakfast.
Anya, please finish up your milk quickly or we’d miss the school bus.
Vai, stop banging on the glass table.
And gee, it was so tough!
Especially when one night (when Wilson’s not home), the kids chose to ignore my requests, talk back rudely, and LAUGH upon seeing me cry at the dining table from trying to bear the overwhelming pain of swallowing my dinner.
At that moment, I really felt incapable. Helpless. Discouraged.
Right after I whispered to Anya how I felt sad and disappointed about the attitudes they’ve been giving me that evening, I went to my bedroom and just IGNORED EVERYTHING. Including my kids’ pleas and requests. Even Anya’s (perhaps regretful) cries as she lied in bed next to me.
I think it was one of those really low points in my parenting journey.
[Thank God Wilson came home within about twenty minutes after that and took over everything. I so needed that!]
…
Now that I look back to what’s happened last week, I’d like to share these few things I learned:
– Kids are kids (and sinners too) and they’re learning.
If they say or do hurtful and insensitive things, they might’ve done it unintentionally. We are the adults and we shouldn’t ‘regard’ what our kids do to us too seriously (though it sure hurts our feelings)
– God never leaves us to fight alone.
We can always pray and ask for strength. There’s always hope at the end of all struggles. Just like how there’ll be clear skies after the rain. And you know what, that was what kept me going, ie. knowing that my struggles won’t last forever (though it might feel like forever at the time!)
Also, I learned how it was when we’re down that we got to see how other people help, encourage and support. And I’m so thankful to God for all that.
– We are never capable of doing anything unless God gives you the strength and capability.
The ability to swallow, eat and talk is all taken for granted by most of us. Including me. We just do it every time, and we don’t think about it much.
It’s when the ease or capability of doing such simple tasks is ‘taken away for a little while’ that we realise how incapable we basically are. And how we get to appreciate it a lot when we gain it back AFTERWARDS.
I guess the same thing applies to everything else in life.
We so often take things for granted (and fail to appreciate them) when we still have them. And boy, how wonderful it is if we all can learn to remember to always appreciate what we have today.
Our health. Our faith. Our family. Our spouse. Our kids. Our work.
Everything.
I’m learning.
Learning to go through the downs in life with the right response and attitude and treasure every single thing that happens in life. Both the ups and the downs.
10 Comments »
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madhuri:
thanks for your encouraging comments (it’s amazing how reading such comments can really make your day .. esp. when it’s been hard and tough )
about my cameras and photography, I shared it here
http://www.oureverydaythings.com/2008/01/photos-on-this-blog-what-are-my-cameras/
not sure if you’ve read that entry. hope it helps…
PS: lately i’ve been using our nikon d200 more as my ixus hasn’t been working well (can’t zoom in or out) since it fell onto hard gravels some few months ago 🙁
Nic:
spot on! when anya laughed like she couldn’t care less about the pain that i went through, i felt sooo discouraged … At that moment, i felt as if i haven’t taught my kids anything about empathy, respect, manners … but hey then again, kids are kids and now that I’m over it, I can understand how we can’t blame them really … they’re learning …
(and you know what, .. the next day … when Anya saw me cry when trying to have a little bit of breakfast down my throat, .. she just looked at me and kept quiet … )
siska :
wah Sis … tentu ya namanya anak2 … se-sweet2nya tetep aja pasti lewatin masa susah, challenging, rebellious, etc. Pada dasarnya mereka sih sweet and good (and hey JL tuh jg sweet bgt leh … 🙂
Tp ya itu, the problem is .. namanya anak2 pasti juga lewatin masa2 ‘sulit’, dan kitanya yg mau ajarin, explain dan disiplinin tp ga bisa krn ngomong ajah ga bisa … wah, berasa hopeless bgt deh pas moment2 ky gitu … Bersyukuurrr bgt masanya uda lewat! 🙂
Grace Koay:
oh yes, the power of our voice … when we’ve lost it, oh the chaos at home can be rather scary ah …
…
sunflower:
hi there … nice to read your (first?) comment here 🙂
i notice with my two kids, they go through ‘phases’ when they somehow are more challenging (and difficult) than usual … but I can really say, such phases do come to an end … phew..
…
chitra:
hi chitra .. thanks for sharing! (I read all comments as and when they come in, and also when I was down with the infection … and they’re all so encouraging, thanks for that!!)
I realise it’s when I’ve gone through the pain of the infection myself that I can truly ‘know’ what it’s like when someone else goes through it …
so glad it was all over in 5 days after I took the antibiotics (am not surprised if I lost some 2 kilos over those 5 days)
Leonny..I just love your blog. It makes me appreciate all the wonderful things I have in my life.
I love your pictures. I know you have mentioned somewhere that you use photoshop to edit your pics…Whicj photoshop do you use? All the colors in your pictures are soo vibrant and rich. I can never get the deep blue sky captured in my digitl camera. Also which camera do you use?
Thanks for sharing. Their laughter must have hurt more than your tonsilitis at that very moment. Good that you are a level-headed mom who do lots of introspection and reflection 🙂
Hi, I happened to read your post and i could’nt stop sharing my exeprience.I went thru exactly the same problem like you. A year ago when my child was only 18mths we went to our home town to visit our parents and i was looking forward to eat my mom’s cooking after a long time and just then i fell sick.On the back of my throat at the base of my tongue i had thick white patches , it was terrible even to sip some water like u mentioned.Unbarable pain, i was emotionally down and it ruined our trip on the whole.
And then when i saw the doctor he took a swab test and told me that i picked it in singapore itself and it worsened after going there! God i can imagine how it would have been for you with 2 kids to look after. This infection is horrible, such a nightmare. And if the kids get it its really really tuff.And it takes a week to get better, no food, kids dont listen to us, we feel helpless and very frustrating to go thru.
hope your kids are doing fine, and hope ur fine too.
oh dear…. *hugz* anya and vai don’t appear to be children who can talk back rudely. well… obviously I don’t know them well enough. In my mind, I always picture them as angels, nice behaved at all times sort of kids. I sometimes did complain to JL, why can’t you be nice like anya. hmm… i guess kids ARE kids and like you said, they are sinners too. I can relate to how you felt in terms of feeling helpless to the point of crying because there’s nothing else seems to work. Anyway, i think it’s good that Anya and vai regretted what they did to you. when they don’t know how to regret, that’s when things get even tougher. hope you feel better now, Le!
I feel exactly like you now.
Even since my daughter’s teething misery started, I never have good time with her since then.
I could not imagine what it will be like in this household, if one day I were to loose my voice too! It will definitely be tough, chaos will strike for sure, but then wouldn’t it be nice if I don’t have to say “Lachy go brush your teeth” like ten thousand times??? The power of voice…
Hope you’re feeling heaps better and thank you for this inspirational piece… 🙂