Yes I agree… a ‘conscious decision’ with a firm understanding of ‘why’ that decision is made and is believed to be the best for all. A supportive hubby really helps too!

As long as it’s a conscious decision and you are enjoying the time being with your children, then ignore all other comments or judgments that others may pass.

Here’re the replies to your questions ya

- Part time maid charges by the hour, and usually they have a 3-hour minimum. Mine used to charge $10/hr, but now it’s $12/hour. Reason: Prices have been going up. And I don’t blame her. It’s fair, I think.

- No, I don’t feel lonely with the kids though. May be it’s because I’m nearly always constantly busy with something? Even when the kids are napping and sleeping at night, I’d be doing something all the time.

Before Vai was born (and even after he’s born, but before Anya started her nursery this year), we almost always go out everyday. Not necessarily for meet-ups with other moms. We just, go out. To Bugis, to orchard, to libraries, to playgrounds, to shopping centres, to Vivo. Anywhere It’s just refreshing for me to be out and about, though with kids in tow (and often, kids being kids, they get cranky too in public, but I’d still choose to go out and about)

Now that Anya’s started school, I don’t (and can’t) have weekly meet-up arrangements with other moms. It’s more for the school holidays I think. But, on weekends we’re always busy going out and about. And almost always every Sunday after church, we go out with other friends and kids.

I think it’s important for us SAHMs to have / do something else other than ‘parenting’ our kids. Pursue a hobby, finish a book. Just something. For me, my passion is photography and sharing through my blog and other sites where I’m their columnist / resident blogger. So THAT actually keeps me going and occupied all the time. I need to have that variety (ie. other than just being a mother to my kids) to keep myself ‘sane’

- As for ppl saying to me ‘how good my life is’ .. I don’t think I’ve had that so far (even if I’ve had it, I can’t remember:) I get more people (ie. strangers) saying ‘must have been tough caring for two kids’ … to which I just smile back.

I can’t quite understand why ‘friends’ would distance themselves from you though, simply because they think you’re a ‘tai tai’ at home. Because I believe ‘real friends’ wouldn’t do that, especially not because of a ‘misperception’ of an SAHM’s life. But then again, may be that’s where you’d know who your true friends are ?

xxx
Leonny

Your situation is a tough one! Can’t imagine if I were in your shoes. But then again, I think if we sincerely wish to give our best time for our kids, God will give you the needed strength and grace. He’ll be with us all the way!

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kkf :

Thanks kkf! All moms who dedicate their time and energy for the kid/kids deserve a pat on the back! It’s tough work, though a joyful one.

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Karen :

Hi Karen!! Yes I agree it’s an excellent statement that ‘summarises’ it all!

xxx
Leonny

I feel that the statement about willingness + suffering = enjoyment is so true. I have not been able to find words to describe my enjoyment too as SAHM and yes!, these are exactly what they are. THanks for bringing this up.

I now know exactly what to tell people who ask why am I a SAHM. Short, sweet and so very very true.

You are such a creative mum doing so many creative artwork with your kids. If you dun stay at home, then its wasted!

I’ve had ppl saying what’s the point of having kids, just to be left at home and cared for by the grandparents or maids or nannies or left in the child care. might as well not having kids if not prepared to stay at home and look after own kids.

On the other hand, I’ve had ppl saying being a FT mum is an easy job, they get to stay at home, do whatever they like to do, more flexibilities, a waste of skills and knowledge (most of us graduated from uni and to stay at home, to them, is a waste of so many years spent in uni).

I think ppl shouldn’t judge ppl based on what they do. every family faces different situation. and therefore decisions are made to suit their situation.

But what I really disagree on is those ppl who do not work at all (not even part time or casual jobs) and do not want to look after their kids either. They’ve got the money to hire a nanny and leave kids with nanny FULLY. just so that they still have their freedom to go shopping without being disturbed by the lil ones.

as for me…. I’ve worked in child care for 4 years before and I told myself, there’s no way I’ll put my own child(ren) in child care. But at the same time our family struggling financially if I don’t work. so the solution for us (not the ideal solution, I know…) is for me to work at night full time and care for JL full time during the day. tiring? yes for sure… but like what you said suffering + willingness = enjoyment